Prayers appreciated

I'm trying to figure out how to blog from my phone, so I hope this "test" works. 

I'm on my 3rd day in bed or on the couch post treatment. It's feeling pretty hard to keep asking my husband and kids to bring me things or rub my shoulders. It's hard to miss out on "living life"! I missed church this morning, which meant we missed two friends baptizing their kids and missed and outdoor service as a family. Things that bring me happiness to be a part of. I'm worried I'm becoming dehydrated, though I'm trying to SIP fluids and eat watermelon and popcicles. I think I'll go ask for fluids tomorrow and nausea meds, but until then prayers are appreciated friends. 

I am also posting updates on my facebook page, for those asking it is: Team Kristi Prayer Warriors

Harder Than I Thought

This afternoon I will go for my 3rd round of chemo. Oh, how I hate the sound of that.  The first week was hard because of nausea and the sudden change from feeling healthy and strong to immediate full-time waves of sickness.  The second week they added some steroids for days 2, 3 & 4 to help with the nausea, which did work, but how I ached to sleep and couldn't.  My body couldn't relax on those steroids and the new addition of Avastin, which causes muscle pain and fatigue....literally.  I expected to be functioning at a decent level this last week, but instead I spent hours in bed on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  It is hard to describe, but I could feel where my muscles were and they literally felt heavy to carry around and move.  Nausea became a secondary complaint this week. 

As for my personality, my plan was not to be knocked down by this treatment;  especially so early. I have a big event to pull off this Saturday through my small events company.  My family is going to be a big help in making this happen.  As usual they have my back when I need it and I treasure them so much for the sacrifices they make.

Last Saturday I was laying in my bed feeling sad that I'd had to cancel a movie date with my daughter because I was too fatigued to do it. Her disappointment was evident, as was my husbands and my sons over various things that day.  It was a stark realization for all of us that we are moving backwards in my health once again.  I had to accept that this is harder than I thought it would be. It is not just myself that is tired of this on-going cancer journey, but my whole family and all who support us are tired.  Every Wednesday comes around way to fast. 

Please pray with us that God will wrap his arms around us, helping and protecting us in these areas.

1. Minimal side effects this week (only 1 chemo) and that I would feel good to work my event this Friday and Saturday. That the event would go smoothly!
2.  Safety for Billy as he travels to his 20 year reunion.  For our hearts as I cannot travel with him and we both wish I could.
3.  For the chemo and Avastin to be working, shrinking and eliminating the tumors in my lungs.
4.  That we would be patient as our life is interrupted once again.  That we should extend grace to each other when it feels hard or we are coping differently.
5.  That there is a clinical trial approved that would be the cure against the KRAS cancer growth gene.
6.  That God would be gentle with us, providing greatly as we add to our medical expense debt.
7.  Thank God for the people he has put in our lives to encourage us, help us, and pray for us during this ongoing battle.
8.  Thank God for giving us the Holy Bible so that we can hear from Him regularly and worship in the midst of pain.

When times get so difficult and we wonder why God is allowing this to happen, I find it so imperative to go back and look at how the Lord has never left us and carried us to where we are today.  In remembrance of the goodness and greatness of our Savior I want to share our "cancer verses" that we claimed back in 2012 after my first reoccurrence and miracle in Houston.  (See 2012 Post Here

"In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
 May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
 May He send you help from His sanctuary and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
 May He remember all your gifts and look favorably on your burnt offerings.
 May He grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed.
 May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
 and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
 May the Lord answer all your prayers."  Psalms 20:1-5

Throwback Thursday

I love this picture SO MUCH. It shows the character of my precious husband, Billy, praying over me at the hospital in Springdale two years ago. This was my 3rd battle with this cancer and infection had stormed my body post surgery. Soon after this I took an 11 hour ambulance ride alone to Houston and the MD Anderson hospital because the infection was not responding to the iv meds after 2 weeks. I can't say enough about Billy's love and commitment to his Savior, myself and our children. His heart is what I fell in love with almost 20 years ago and its even more full of light today. So grateful I chose him!

Treatment Has Begun

Sorry for a late post, but I was so busy "living life" before I might now feel well! 

I had a pre-op appointment on Monday, then surgery to have my port put in on Tuesday.  The surgery went smoothly outside of getting behind on my pain meds and having some nausea post anesthetic. 

Wednesday I had a long day at HOG.  We met with Dr Beck, who we've chosen as our local medical oncologist, did the blood draw and then started chemo. 

I was only able to get 2 of the 3 medicines yesterday because my insurance has not approved the Avastin yet.  They are trying different methods to get it approved or paid for by the pharmaceutical company so that I can start it next week.  It is an approved drug for many kinds of cancer like colon and cervical, but not for my particular kind of cancer yet as its so rare. We are hopeful this will be taken care of soon.

I actually felt pretty good last night, but nausea and some physical weakness has kicked in today.  Its not too bad because I have 2 sick kids at home and have been taking care of them, cleaned the kitchen and even did a light mopping of the tile.  I'm worn out now and ready to lay down.  :)  I told Billy it gets worse from here I'm sure, so I can't go down yet!  He was not happy I was mopping!

Please pray for minimal side effects.  For lots of energy for Billy and my parents and siblings.  Pray for the cancer to shrink away rapidly and permanently. 

Pray that our insurance will cover a huge portion of the expenses. 

Also....that my kids would get better soon! Isaiah woke up with Staph in two places Monday and Alyssa woke up with strep throat on Tuesday!  Its been quite a week, but we've survived! 

On a happy note, we got family pictures taken on Monday night by Love in Focus and our sneak peak is ready!  See them here! https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.988440927847443.1073741863.599995290025344&type=1

The 4th Round - Treatment Plan

I'm thinking about a video I've seen. It's of a female in the boxing ring and she's being hit over and over with new information about her cancer.  It's a combination of physical and emotional blows. One after the other they keep coming and there is nothing she can do but resolve to stay on her feet.  Keep fighting. Blocking. Keep choosing her next move with each and every hit until the triumphant end of the final round. 

I am ringside before the 4th round praying deep down that this will be the one.  The one that puts cancer down and out.  I came out full of fury and fight in the first round. Determination and focus. The second round brought me to the point of wanting to surrender and the unexpected happened.  A counterpunch that put cancer down for the count...a miracle for sure. The third round became painful and so hard physically, mentally and emotionally.  I felt like I'd been hit repeatedly below the belt, yet I struggled to endure and persevere....digging  deep to remember my training and my purpose in the fight.  It was a barnburner, a nail-biter, intense kind of fight. The bell sounded and it felt so sweet.

Now, I will begin the 4th round.  I am tired. I am disappointed that the fight continues.  I wanted there to be a knockout in the first round, but the attacker is more sly and aggressive than I thought.  I will choose to continue the good fight no matter the cost.  I will not allow this round to knock me off my feet.  I stand on a firm foundation and have a clear understanding of my purpose.  I believe in my coach.  I believe in my team.  I believe in my training. I will go the distance.  I pray this will be so easy it's a snoozer.

Match Date: May 6, 2015
Time: 9:15 AM

Boxers: Kristi vs Cancer
Tactics: Taxol, Carboplatin, Avistin
Coach: Jesus Christ
Training: Holy Bible/Prayer
Team: All of You

Thank you team, for your relentless prayers for my husband, Billy, my children, myself, family, friends, Dr B and Nurses. God bless. xoxo

Exodus 14:14 " The Lord WILL fight for you.  Just stay calm." (NLT)

2 Chronicles 20:17 "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you.... Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." (NIV)

Appointment this Thursday

My MD Anderson doctors said that I can do my new chemo cocktail at home in Arkansas, which is a HUGE praise!  I polled my cancer posse group and asked for a specific doctor who is overseeing a clinical trial for colorectal cancer patients with the Kras "wild type" gene.  I'm not sure this applies to my cancer, but at least this doctor is familiar with what is driving the growth of my cancer. That makes me feel pretty good about our choice.  His scheduler was so sweet and printed off my md Anderson records for me and got me an appointment for 2:00 this Thursday with Dr B.

We are praying about our start date for treatment as I will have 3 treatments, 21 days apart, and then go back to MD Anderson to have scans and determine if it is working or not. 

Thank you for joining us as we continue to ask for total healing, wisdom and guidance for the doctors and nurses, and soft & confident hearts for us. 

"But the Lord's plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken." Psalms 33:11

"My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming." Psalms 27:8

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

It's a No.....KRAS Gene Clinical Trial

Oh, how I wish I had gone to MD Anderson last week and came home with a plan packed full of hope for a cure. A plan with an end in sight. Unfortunately, I did not. 

Based on a 50 gene test, we learned that my cancer growth is being driven by a gene called KRAS.  Our clinical trial doctor didn't spare any time when he told us there is no current treatment or trial that has identified a targeted treatment that hits this gene. Ugh........ It's surreal to sit there and know that what you prayed for is not what you are getting......again.  Instead your unanswered prayer gives you only one direction to go.  The current standard treatment. Is this a blessing I didn't know I needed, I wonder?

One year ago when they found I had spots in my lungs and began to watch so closely a new chemo cocktail was being put into mainstream treatment around the world.  This cocktail is now my best chance to shrink or slow the growth of this KRAS driven adenocarcinoma. I wonder if anyone with my rare gyn cancer (primary vaginal adenocarcinoma) has ever been given this cocktail? Perhaps it is a cure for me, though not for cervical cancer.  Will God give me a miracle and allow me to beat the odds and live far outside of the "norm", according to science? Might I have life much longer than ever dreamt of because I realize God is bigger than my cancer? Might God choose to give little me, with no giant impact around the world, a miracle that shines His light in my small circle? Will the master potter create me to a be a beautiful unique masterpiece that lives this life with a small crack in my side? Much like Paul's thorn, my "small crack" will always remind me who is in control of my destiny.  The one who pulls me up out of bed in the morning with joy in my heart and strength to put my feet on the floor once more. The risen Savior. Abba. Yahweh. Jehovah!

My Savior is the lamp unto my feet shining light only on THIS day. I find it no mistake that as I remember being in the hospital at MD Anderson on Good Friday 2 years ago, fighting for my life, against multiple infectious bacterias in my body, I now set out on yet another life threatening journey. I could face tomorrow during that time because I knew my Savior lived!  He lives still.  He is faithful still.  He had bigger plans for the world on Good Friday all those years ago when Jesus died on the cross.  He has bigger plans for us on this day as well.  His ways are beyond our understanding. They are more dramatic than any theatrical climax.  It is too much for my human mind to take in. I long for understanding, but for now, I choose to trust. I choose to find hope against the odds.  I'd rather be a scared and tired soldier in God's mysterious army than a strong and powerful commander purposed to chase the wind.

God, help us to fight with purpose on this day.  We are sinful, scared and tired people who cannot come close to deserving your unending love. May we choose to be faithful today with the moment in time you've given us. May we remember that you alone are in control of this universe. You created the world and everything in it. This sinful world has caused so much pain and ugliness around us.  May you lift our eyes away from the pits, and toward you so that we can find our way through this battleground. Thank you for the gift of eternal life through your son Jesus Christ.  Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit to help us until the day we get to meet you face to face. My you alone receive all the glory in our lives. Help us to choose to trust and hope in you alone. Amen.

Philippians 3:10 " I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead."