Patience is a virtue!

One thing I've been told over and over in my cancer journey is to be patient with myself.  That rest heals the body. Healing takes time. Energy doesn't return overnight. I pass this advice on to others because it has helped me. It helps me to give myself permission to rest, to say no, to ask for help.

Once off chemo about two weeks, I traveled to NW Colorado for my grandpa's funeral. Grandpa was 89 years old and had such a wonderful military ceremony surrounded by the mountains and colors of Fall.  It was a gift to be able to travel and be there for a week. I returned home very fatigued and slept for a couple days, but the energy did not return.  I ended up in the hospital for a partial bowel blockage and an infection.  After being in the hospital for 2 nights I returned home thinking I'd go back to how I was feeling in Colorado.  Wrong! It took me a full week to feel like I could quit sleeping 18 hours a day.  Thank goodness it was just in time for my son's 8th grade football game and all the Halloween madness.  I got so excited to participate again that I ended up in bed sleeping it off....again.

Patience is a virtue!

We've all heard this saying, but what does it really mean?

I think it's used here as an idiom. I know this only because my 4th grade daughter is learning about these at school right now.  Hence, I am learning to be as smart as a 4th grader as well!  With my newfound knowledge I quickly googled this and this idiom means......to make a virtue of necessity, to make the best of a difficult or unsatisfactory situation.

That seems to be a perfect fit.

To me, the lack of energy is definitely an unsatisfactory situation. So....today I'm praying that I can make patience a virtue out of necessity, but also that my energy will be the lasting type...real soon!

Results

Well, not terrible news, not great news. Doctor Said I can have a break and come back for scans in January. But no change in nodules this time. I was bummed they didn't shrink at all after 9 more weeks of chemo. No cancer anywhere else in the body either though, so that's good news. Said the nodules could be dead and still showing, but too small for pet scan to show the "glow" of being active or not right now. He said I can choose to continue treatment, or be done until January and see what happens. Or just do avastin (doesn't allow new blood vessel growth) but he just did that with a patient and there was no change. I think I choose a break and go back in January. I ask him about the growth patterns of my cancer and he said the risk of it spreading to where there is nothing they can do between now and January is slim. Because of side effects he agrees a break for the holidays sounds right. Reminded me we are doing this to prolong life, not a cure right now so a quality of life break is a good idea. If growth again in January I will begin chemo again, but if no growth I can continue a break I assume. We are processing this news and believe your prayers are really helping us face it in the most positive way. I'm sure I'll have harder days, but today I feel more hopeful than afraid or discouraged. I know that the ability to find hope and even joy in the midst of this trial is from God alone. I was reminded that this is not about God giving me strength. It is about His strength in me. Thank goodness it's not about me at all. 

We will continue to pray that there is no evidence of disease in the January scans. (No new spots, no growth of current spots). We will pray against fear and discouragement as we wait and my body begins to rebuild after chemo effects. We will praise Him for this time of no treatment needed!  Thank you once again for walking beside us and sometimes carrying us. 💜

All Done for Today.

Pray at 5:30!

Friends, we are safely at MD Anderson in Houston and asking for prayers for clear scans at 5:30 today! 

Remember this blog post?  Pray Deuteronomy with us! 💜

Thanks for prayers!

Thank you for the specific prayers I requested a week or so ago. I go back this morning to get a permanent crown placed on my tooth post root-canal. 

My ostomy pain has healed and my reconstruction area is much improved, though that is a chronic problem until God miraculously heals it more correctly. 

I had what I hope to be my last treatment on Wednesday though I don't feel like I can celebrate until after my scans at MDA in Houston next week! We did have some "purple fun" though! Katy got a bit queezy as they had trouble with my port! I almost had to call out "Caregiver Down"! 

22 Weeks, 19 treatments done! 

I wish I may, I wish I might

The other night my family was tucked into their beds and I sat outside looking up at the 4th blood moon and the few stars twinkling in the sky. It was cool outside with a slight breeze and hardly a light on around me.  As I sat there marveling at the view of the night sky I began reciting this anonymous poem in my mind.

Star light, star bright,

First star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have this wish I wish tonight.

 

It's silly to think I could make a wish, as a child would, and it might come true, or is it? It came to me that the God who created that night sky and the blood moon changing so rapidly before my eyes is not a genie in a bottle, but He certainly is in control of the universe. John 16:33b says, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

So instead of a wish to the stars, I ask the creator and overcomer of the entire world to grant me the wish of today becoming my last day of having cancer.  That today, the chemo will just be a routine and all my cancer is already gone, including the KRAS growth gene, so that cancer will not return. I ask God to grant me the wish of having clear scans at MD Anderson next week.

 

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have no more cancer this very night.

Almost Overwhelmed

Last night I became almost overwhelmed.  I had treatment yesterday, and although a light treatment ( about 50% of what I normally get) I never recovered fully from the week before.  I was still feeling a headache, achy body, physical fatigue, distracted, gums bleeding and had to potty frequently!

 

I learn at treatment that my Red Blood Cells, Hemoglobin and Hematocrit are all still low, but White Blood Cells and Platelets are normal thankfully.  However, I also learned that some blisters/sores I've developed and had sent to lab last week came back as Rare Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus, otherwise known as MRSA. You can click the link (name) above to learn more and understand who gets this and how to protect yourselves. This is not helping me feel a lot better as they found no white blood cells in the lab sample and the antibiotic they put me on last week "in case" it came back as Staph is on the list of meds my case is resistant to.  So, last night I had to start over with a new antibiotic after a week of taking one that upset my digestive system more than usual.  Anyway, I'll take this for 10 days and I've already had this problem and been talking to the doctors for about 17 days. 

Anyway, my skin around my ostomy stoma was in such terrible pain last night that I couldn't bend well or walk without it hurting.  For those without an ostomy I know you cannot envision what the situation is with this, but just trust me its not pleasant and that was wearing on me at bed time too.  I also baby my bum - as some of you notice me sitting on the softest chair in the room and carrying my own extra soft cushion to the sports arenas - but my reconstruction in 2013 didn't ever heal right and I've had secondary surgeries and procedures trying to get it to re-heal without pain.  It is worse some days than others and its been painful the last several weeks too so that wears on me as well.

 

I think at times God spares us emotion so that we can handle the trial we've been given to live daily. I've been experiencing God's Grace and not living in fear or sadness, but last night I had a good cry and really felt the desperation to feel better and engage in life with energy again.  I want to get such good results at my scan in two weeks and have a break from treatment, but at the same time I feel guilty knowing others have been told they can have no more treatment and are wishing there was still an option for them.  I am burdened for those fellow fighters as I'll see them all around at the cancer centers, but I know each situation is in God's hands.  He makes the final decision for what is best in bringing more people closer to him or refining each of us.  I am grateful that I still have options with Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer.  Praise God for that!

 

So for now, please join us in prayer

 

• Praise God that I have almost been here 5 years since diagnosis and still have treatment options because my body is staying pretty strong.
• That the Rare MRSA Staph doesn't get worse, the painfulness of it goes away, and it doesn't travel anywhere else in me or to my family members.
• That God will show us favor and give us a great scan report showing NED (No Evidence of Disease) on October 6/7.
• That I will get a break from chemo and avastin treatment after this appointment in Houston.
• That my skin around my ostomy stoma will heal quickly.
• That my reconstruction area from my surgery in January 2013 will stop hurting and miraculously heal without leaving chronic pain eventually.
• That my headaches will go away
• That I will not feel survivor's guilt if I get great news at MD Anderson, but that I will be able to rest in the results no matter what and continue to find ways to glorify God in this journey.
  
  
  
  From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2