My latest update!
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
God...Can We Talk?
Sometimes the heaviness of life can become overwhelming, don't you think?
In a matter of seconds I can think of heavy burdens facing individuals, families, marriages, parents, friendships, states, churches, pastors, communities, our nation...our world! We live in a time where the communication of others' burdens can be in our minds and hearts within minutes. Technology has transformed our lives so that we never have an excuse to be out of touch with the on goings around us unless we choose to "sign off". In which, many times, we feel the need to announce that we are going to purposely be "out of touch".
I love technology (or I couldn't write to you now), but don't you also tend to get bogged down with the heaviness of "being in the know"?
Last week, in my little circle of the world, there were so many things to be burdened with that I became a bit sad and numb. Then anxious. Then angry and back to sad. I hit a wall. I couldn't pray. I couldn't read my bible. The burden literally felt like it was adding to the weight of my body.
One night I laid in bed and out of sheer discipline I opened my bible. It was already close to midnight, but I needed to talk to God. Not just a one way conversation, but a real talk. I needed to hear from Him. For whatever reason I opened my bible (yes I still use a real paper bible) to the tiny book of Habakkuk. I read the first chapter and right away underlined Habakkuk's complaint, "How long, O Lord, must I call for help?" Okay, I thought. I can relate to this. It went on, "Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence. The law has become paralyzed. The wicked far outnumber the righteous." Hmmmm. So maybe we are going to focus on the political and civil burdens tonight. That's good. I should be satisfied with that, I thought. But, I wasn't, so I read on.
"For [look around] I am doing something in YOUR OWN DAY, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it." Wow, here's a word from God. He's reminding me he is unfathomable, unexplainable and indescribable! I like that reminder, I thought, but what are you DOING God?
I read on and chapter 2 told me that we must wait patiently and faithfully on the one true God, not falling into temptation of other God's such as pride or wealth, physical beauty or want/greed. Okay, God, I hear you and I want you to help me live righteous and faithful. I am a sinner and I need your help. But, by your grace, this isn't really what's troubling me God. I need to talk to you about the hurts in life God. There was only one more chapter to finish the book and it was getting late, but I read on. I asked, will you speak to my heart God?
Chapter 3 is a prayer that Habakkuk sung as he knew God was going to discipline Judah and the evil there. It begins with praise and awe for the one true God. He asks, "In this time of our deep need, help us again as you did in years gone by." I whisper, thank you for your faithfulness in all these burdened situations God. Habakkuk goes on to describe God's coming with rays of light flashing from his hands where his power is hidden! Wow...that is super cool! God has hidden power? God marches across the land in anger and power causing terror and distress, destroying all things evil. Whoa....this is what needs to happen right now in this world, I think. As Habakkuk saw this in a dream he says this. "My lips quiver in fear. My legs gave way beneath me, and I shook in terror. Yet, I will wait quietly for the coming day when disaster will strike the people who invade us.
Habakkuk has peace, even knowing that hard days are ahead. God, I want the gift of peace please.
"Even though the fig trees have no blossom and there are no grapes on the vines, even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, YET, I WILL rejoice in the Lord! I WILL be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord IS MY STRENGTH! He makes me as surefooted as a deer able to tread upon the heights."
Wow God! Talk about waiting until the very last few verses to pierce my heart! So, even though there was turmoil, evil, famine, disease, false Gods and lost control in government, Habakkuk found joy and strength and peace in the one true God. Our Lord Almighty. The One who is, always has been and always will be! Our redeemer, Savior, strong tower, refuge, protector and friend. No matter how things "appear", GOD IS DOING SOMETHING in our own day! When everything around us is unsteady, we can count on God to be steady inside of us.
Thanks for the talk God.
*Habakkuk Chapters 1-3 NLT
In a matter of seconds I can think of heavy burdens facing individuals, families, marriages, parents, friendships, states, churches, pastors, communities, our nation...our world! We live in a time where the communication of others' burdens can be in our minds and hearts within minutes. Technology has transformed our lives so that we never have an excuse to be out of touch with the on goings around us unless we choose to "sign off". In which, many times, we feel the need to announce that we are going to purposely be "out of touch".
I love technology (or I couldn't write to you now), but don't you also tend to get bogged down with the heaviness of "being in the know"?
Last week, in my little circle of the world, there were so many things to be burdened with that I became a bit sad and numb. Then anxious. Then angry and back to sad. I hit a wall. I couldn't pray. I couldn't read my bible. The burden literally felt like it was adding to the weight of my body.
One night I laid in bed and out of sheer discipline I opened my bible. It was already close to midnight, but I needed to talk to God. Not just a one way conversation, but a real talk. I needed to hear from Him. For whatever reason I opened my bible (yes I still use a real paper bible) to the tiny book of Habakkuk. I read the first chapter and right away underlined Habakkuk's complaint, "How long, O Lord, must I call for help?" Okay, I thought. I can relate to this. It went on, "Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence. The law has become paralyzed. The wicked far outnumber the righteous." Hmmmm. So maybe we are going to focus on the political and civil burdens tonight. That's good. I should be satisfied with that, I thought. But, I wasn't, so I read on.
"For [look around] I am doing something in YOUR OWN DAY, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it." Wow, here's a word from God. He's reminding me he is unfathomable, unexplainable and indescribable! I like that reminder, I thought, but what are you DOING God?
I read on and chapter 2 told me that we must wait patiently and faithfully on the one true God, not falling into temptation of other God's such as pride or wealth, physical beauty or want/greed. Okay, God, I hear you and I want you to help me live righteous and faithful. I am a sinner and I need your help. But, by your grace, this isn't really what's troubling me God. I need to talk to you about the hurts in life God. There was only one more chapter to finish the book and it was getting late, but I read on. I asked, will you speak to my heart God?
Chapter 3 is a prayer that Habakkuk sung as he knew God was going to discipline Judah and the evil there. It begins with praise and awe for the one true God. He asks, "In this time of our deep need, help us again as you did in years gone by." I whisper, thank you for your faithfulness in all these burdened situations God. Habakkuk goes on to describe God's coming with rays of light flashing from his hands where his power is hidden! Wow...that is super cool! God has hidden power? God marches across the land in anger and power causing terror and distress, destroying all things evil. Whoa....this is what needs to happen right now in this world, I think. As Habakkuk saw this in a dream he says this. "My lips quiver in fear. My legs gave way beneath me, and I shook in terror. Yet, I will wait quietly for the coming day when disaster will strike the people who invade us.
Habakkuk has peace, even knowing that hard days are ahead. God, I want the gift of peace please.
"Even though the fig trees have no blossom and there are no grapes on the vines, even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, YET, I WILL rejoice in the Lord! I WILL be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord IS MY STRENGTH! He makes me as surefooted as a deer able to tread upon the heights."
Wow God! Talk about waiting until the very last few verses to pierce my heart! So, even though there was turmoil, evil, famine, disease, false Gods and lost control in government, Habakkuk found joy and strength and peace in the one true God. Our Lord Almighty. The One who is, always has been and always will be! Our redeemer, Savior, strong tower, refuge, protector and friend. No matter how things "appear", GOD IS DOING SOMETHING in our own day! When everything around us is unsteady, we can count on God to be steady inside of us.
Thanks for the talk God.
*Habakkuk Chapters 1-3 NLT
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Clinical trial consent signed!
After having about 35 pages READ to us we SIGNED CONSENT for a clinical trial!
After fasting all day no blood draw was required after all! Ha! Gotta roll with it or it will make us crazy! Thankful to have my spot and be on the road to get our boy from camp! Thx for prayers!!!!!!
Trial update
When it's a BIG BIG DAY and your phone shows the doctor is calling an hour before your appointment......it is nerve racking!
Thank goodness they still plan to sign me today for the clinical trial, but they won't be ready until this afternoon around 2:15 now. Luckily they caught me before I ate something as she said I need to be fasting! (Good to know!)
....and now they called again to say it will actually be 3:00 before they can see me and to eat something light right now and then start fasting! Okay, breakfast sounds good!
This is the life of cancer treatment and I'm sure any long term medical condition. Our life and schedule once again becomes dictated by the doctors and facility schedules.
My sister's friend is all ready to watch Katy & I's three little kids and the kids are looking forward to it. My sister planned her morning to go with me. And now, I impact their lives as well with one little phone call. Plus, we were leaving town at 2:30 today to drive to Colorado and pick up our son from camp in Estes park. He needs picked up by 6 pm tomorrow night. What a quick reminder of what is to come. What life is like on treatment.
I'm thankful to have a treatment, but honestly dread the interruption to life again. May my eyes be open to see what God is teaching me through this lack of control once again.
Thank God with us that the trial is still happening! Pray that they will really be ready to sign me at 3:00 so we can still easily get to camp and pick up our son on time! Pray that all testing and pre-req goes smooth and that ultimately God will allow this trial to give me more active life with my friends and family!
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
I wanted to be strong enough to give God the glory
After my nerves were all heightened yesterday, I am reminded by facebook this morning of Gods faithfulness since the very beginning. On this day 5 years ago I had finished my first 7 month battle with cancer. MY PLAN was to be mentally strong, to dig deep within myself and get from "here to here" so I could put cancer behind me, giving God the glory for MY VICTORY!
GOD'S PLAN was to teach me that I needed His strength, which is beyond measure compared to my own. THAT GOD would bring Himself glory through my weakness and remind me of HIS VICTORY regardless of my remaining cancer. Through complete brokenness and dieing to my own strength and abilities HIS PLAN is now MY PLAN.
I needed this reminder and refocus today. 💜🙏🏼
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
My Story Isn't Over Yet
Guess what? My story isn't over yet! This Thursday I get to go meet with my local medical oncologist to learn about a KRAS Phase 1 clinical trial starting here in Northwest Arkansas! If all goes well I will be able to sign the consent to participate and begin all the pre testing required before treatment can begin. This can take 30 days after I consent, based on my understanding.
This is such an answer to prayer and a beautiful gift of "something to try" when no standard treatment options are left. Yet, I cannot deny that it is making me very nervous. The fact that I have "something to try" means that treatment must begin again soon. I wonder if it will work. I worry about how it will make me feel. I wonder what it will cost....physically, emotionally and financially. I admit there is an active battle in my mind and heart. I am grateful that my story isn't over yet. I'm worried this won't work or will steal my quality of life. I feel guilty for dreading a treatment when there are others who are begging for a "something to try". The battle goes on and on, back and forth. I've drafted other posts about how God is encouraging me in this battle, but I feel that God is asking me to share the struggle instead of His answer...for now.
Please join me in thanking God for answering our prayers for a clinical trial. Thank God for the many people who leaned in against the crashing current to help me stand strong in the face of disappointment and illness. (See Older Prayer Request Post) Thank God for a clinical trial that is local and a doctor who is actively pushing it through.
Also, join me in asking God that the trial will help me in a shockingly positive way. Ask God to keep away all side effects and allow me to continue to live as active as I am now. Ask God to lead the way and use my story to bring Him glory and honor. May I fade into the background and only Christ be seen in my life.
Yay......I'm so excited to share this news with you all! It's been a long wait! Thursday at 10 am!
#jesusiswithme
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Made the News!
Look here prayer warriors! I attended a filming for the cancer challenge this week and Alyssa & I ended up making the news!
NWA friends - come join us June 10th at the cancer challenge tailgate party in Springdale!
You'll get to hear more of my story there! I may want to hide in the bathroom while they play it, but I'll be there!
Support The Cancer Challenge and you are supporting your neighbors, your friends & your family that have battled, are battling or will battle cancer here in Northwest Arkansas!
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