Covid update & Oncology appointments

Today marks 2 weeks since my Covid symptoms began and I am finally functioning, albeit with very low energy a slow pace. Billy was doing pretty well a week ago, so it definitely hit me harder. 

I was supposed to go see the new urology oncologist  and the wound specialist on the 17th but couldn’t with Covid. So we rescheduled for yesterday and they were closed because of the sleet and ice. Now I will go next Thursday on 3/3. 

I’m anxious for these appointments not only because I need some help with my unhealing wound and growing adrenal gland, but because it’s a new oncologist and unknowns. I haven’t had to see a new oncologist since 2015 and at least we thought we knew what we were dealing with. Now, we don’t and I am definitely symptomatic. 

Please be in prayer that this is not life shattering news and that God will provide the very best plan so that I can continue to live here on earth serving him however I can. 

“We have this hope as an anchor for our lives, safe and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

What’s going on now

I’ve never considered myself a worrier. God created me to have an optimistic spirit. I didn’t realize this so much until I had a family of my own and I could see the difference of my “it will all be okay” outlook compared to some others. Sometimes I wondered if something was wrong with me that I wasn’t as worried as others. Fast forward many years and I’ve also learned one of my spiritual gifts is faith. Don’t get me wrong, I wrestle things out with God a lot, but in the end I can settle on solid ground as a believer. I thank God for this gift only He has given me and only He protects it. 

I share these thoughts as I am wrestling now with many things in my professional and personal worlds, both. It seems my timing and God’s timing are not the same; yet I know I heard Him clearly when He said Yes. Have you experienced this? You sought guidance and wisdom from the Lord, felt clear on the answer, step out in faith and then wait…and wait…and wait! 

My dad said the night I was diagnosed with cancer, 11/15/2010, he went outside concerned that he hadn’t heard from us yet and tried to pray  that I didn’t have cancer, but the words fell flat. So he said, okay God, Kristi has cancer, so please help her and heal her. Instantly he felt God say, Kristi will be ok. 

Many years later my sister, Katy, sat on a bench pleading with God to heal me when she felt God say, Kristi will be ok.  

About 15 months ago During a Covid Sunday morning I watched church on tv. The pastor was talking about the Israelites wandering in the dessert, suffering and lost. And then God said to them that they had wandered long enough and He would deliver them to the promised land. (Duet.2:3) After punishing Israel with 4 years of locust eaten harvests, God showed mercy and promised to restore the years the locust had eaten! His people began to experience bumper harvests. (Joel 2:24-26) I felt this wash over me in a way that felt like God said, Kristi I’m going to deliver you and restore these years lost to you. I have claimed that promise ever since. 

Yet here I am laying in bed sick with Covid 19. Billy and I both came down with it last weekend and only out of sheer stubbornness I didn’t go to the hospital with 103.3 fever on ib profin. As my fever wreaked havoc on my body and mind I suffered physically and mentally. All sorts of hard memories and images kept coming to my mind and as soon as I would pray one away, another came. I wrestled with grief and regret, shame and loss, reliving pain both emotionally and physically. I couldn’t shake it and I suffered. I thought of Job and how his friends gave him bad advice while he was weak and suffering and how God rewarded Job for not listening and continuing to wrestle out his suffering with the God he believed in; and praying for his friends. (Job 42) Billy was less sick and bless him, he would drag himself up to take care of me and bring me meds and ice packs, rub my aching hips and shoulders. He would ask what else he could do and I just said, I don’t know, I’m just suffering. I worried him as I begin to recite Psalm 91 aloud to call on the Lord for help with scripture. 

I’m fever free for a couple days and my wits are coming back to me and I’m replaying this in my mind and I’ve been thanking God for giving me a positive “it will be okay” attitude, along with a determined faith. Without it I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through all the things this life has brought me this far, or what is still to come. Some sufferings you know and some I may share at another time if God leads me there. 

I was able to receive the newest Pfizer anti viral medication for high risk patients along with many other medicines to get me through Covid. I was vaccinated and if that helped me at all, I know I would have ended up in the hospital without it. Billy and I are on the mend thank God as we’ve seen so many we know lose their lives to Covid or the impact it had on their prior health issues. 

God created us to live the life He has given us. I wouldn’t choose to live in suffering, and although I am facing more unknowns with my cancer as soon as I’m over Covid, I know this same God who has carried me through all those hard memories I saw in my fever-ridden mind will continue. I am not sure how, but God has said I’ll be ok. We even believe Him to mean here on earth, not only in Heaven. How glorious that will be one day!  My choice is to believe. Do you? 

And Then I Said Amen

“The Devil saw me with my head down and thought he’d won until I said amen!”And many of you said amen! 

Thank you for taking my health, my finances, my marriage, my children, my medical caregivers and my entire family to the Lord in prayer for SOOOO many years! The Bible says to keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. That is what we’ve done and today once again God has answered our prayers and been gracious to me with good news. 

The new MRI shows the enlarged spot in my brain is NOT new active cancer. It is radiation necrosis. Basically my immune system has responded to the dead cells from prior radiation and things are a bit swollen right now. But it is not active cancer and I’m humbled and thrilled! 

As if that wasn’t enough good news, we were also told that the enlarged tumor in my left lower lung may be an inflammatory reaction to being sick or fighting off an infection. We will rescan in 3 weeks to double check. Scan 9/22 and results 9/29. Please pray and ask God to show us favor with miraculous healing and clarity of scans to show it! May God show himself off through my healing and sustained life…quality of life even! 

What a change of plans as the dr had me scheduled for Avastin (IV maintenance med) starting today. I believe God said you don’t need maintenance, you need cured! ✝️

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. - Matthew 7:7 

Scan results

Scan results were frustrating and discouraging to me. I had such great expectations and yet Dr B said that there is some growth in my brain that he hopes is nflammation around where I had radiation on a tumor last year. There is another type of MRI that I can get to show if this appears to be inflammation or tumor. I have been having more daily headaches. 

There is growth on a tumor in the lower left lung and my oxygen level has stayed lower than normal for the last couple months. 

The tumor they just radiated about 5 weeks ago in my adrenal gland looks unchanged and there are no brand new spots. 

Dr B wants me to start back on Avastin as a maintenance plan right away. This means an IV treatment every 3 weeks. I have taken Avastin before with Taxol chemo, but never alone, so we’ll see how it effects me. 

I feel in dread of this plan and discouraged that we didn’t get better news of continued remission, but fighting to stay positive about the situation and just be thankful for life and the option available to me. 

Please ask God to enter into this situation and show Himself big and mighty and faithful to complete a good work in me and HEAL me of this cancer and the wound slowly starting to show slight signs of healing on my leg. Ask for healing for this fistula all together please. 

Until then, may I use this thorn in my side to remember why I am here and choose to glorify God and share His light to the world with joy that only he can give…even when I’m unhappy with the situation. 

Blessings to you and yours my friends. 

Kristi ✝️👆🏻🙏🏻

Here we are on a weekend getaway that I am so grateful for. Brough much happiness and soothing to my soul. 

Post radiation scans

In the life of a cancer patient, especially a stage 4 metastatic cancer patient, scans roll around way too often. It is time for mine again this week. I’ll have a 2 hour MRI and a CT scan on Monday followed by a 1 hour MRI and an Oncologist appointment on Wednesday. 

I feel pretty at peace about these scans. I am just dreading the pre-meds before my CT and laying in the MRI machine for two hours. My prayer is that God continues to sustain my life and that if it’s His will, He will allow me to be in remission. 

I honestly have so many things on my mind lately that I sometimes don’t even allow myself to think about my scans much, let alone pray about them. For example, I am thinking about my son moving back to college soon, Chris & Brittany transitioning to life working and going to school this fall with a baby, our daughter suffering through some very trying times of her own, plus Billy & I working toward our dream of owning a wedding and event venue opening early 2022. 

Just like many of you, our life can sometimes feel overwhelming. Recently I have been working to write down things, big or small, that I am thankful for. This helps me keep my perspective when I am burdened, worried, disgruntled or impatient. I especially get impatient waiting on God to show up and help me or the people I care about. I hate to know other people ate suffering and God could help them. Do you ever feel that way? Like, where is God in this or that situation?  Why is he taking so long to intervene? 

Recently my sister sent me a screenshot of a writing that describes three levels of faith. The first being when we can see and feel proof to help us believe. The second is when we feel it, but can’t see it. The third is when we see and feel no evidence that God is working and present in our situation. I am reminded that my faith is not based on my feelings or the evidence I can see (i .e. scan reports, my peace of mind or lack thereof); but my faith is based on my choice to believe that ALL of the Bible is true. 

During one of Rick Warren’s Healing Choices’ podcasts recently he said, “If we don’t care enough to pray for something more than once or twice it is not really that important to us; not a desire of our hearts”. 

Well God, I and many others have been praying that I be healed from this cancer for many years. I am patiently (sometimes impatiently) waiting for your perfect timing to heal me in this life or the next, but regardless, I have faith that day will come and I’ll be ready. I have faith that God wants to give me the desires of my heart. He wants my husband and children to have the desires of their hearts too. He wants this for you as well. 

Let’s challenge each other to pray repeatedly asking God for what we need and want, choosing to believe that He hears us and loves us even when we don’t see or feel it. 

One of my Mom’s favorite verses is Psalm 37:3-4, “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  

It will not touch us!

Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day, do not dread the disease that stalks in the darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand may fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. 

These verses from Psalms 91:5-7 are some of my favorite to pray and claim for myself and many others over the years. Today I am claiming them for myself as I finished my high dose radiation to my adrenal gland, but also for my brother-in-law, Gaylen Murphy, as he’s been in the UAMS hospital for over two weeks and could have a couple more to go depending on how his body reacts to treatment for the multiple myeloma that is all throughout his bones. He is having a stem cell transplant, which means they have given him chemo to wipe out his white blood cells/immune system, and then they will build it back up and harvest his stem cells over 2-5 days. Be praying that this all can happen as quickly as safely possible so he and his wife, Dolly, can get out of the hospital and get back home for a while.  Gaylen is a trooper! He can only sit-up real straight on the edge of his bed or lay down pretty flat in the bed to stay out of pain, yet he is working hard to do 15 laps with his walker each day, bringing jokes and smiles to everyone he passes. Billy and I were happy we got to go visit he and Dolly in Little Rock last week. I slept most of the drive down and back thanks to Billy driving us. I have been pretty nauseated as the radiation hit some of my stomach causing extra acid and nausea. I am improving so I can eat a bit more and gain some energy and stamina back. I hope to hike a little on a Colorado vacation soon - please God?!? 

Thanks for praying and please remember you can donate to Gaylen & Dolly to help with all their extra expenses with this link! We all appreciate you so much! 

https://gofund.me/ce61266e

May this be the last of it!

Several weeks ago the doctors found active cancer in my adrenal gland (sits right above my kidney). Everything else looked stable, thank goodness, but this needs taken care of. It was decided that radiation is required so today I have my first targeted radiation therapy to kill this remaining cancer. I will only need 5 high dose treatments given every other day through next week. I’m dreading it because I’ve gotten a break but it’s necessary and will hopefully be the last of active cancer. Side effects are nausea, stomach pain and even ulcers, and fatigue. 

The PET scan showed a tiny bit of activity in my lower lung but they feel that could be inflammation, so let’s pray and claim that to be the case. 

Lastly, will you pray that a fistula wound I have had for a few months heals. The fistula is an open track between my abdomen and my upper thigh, most likely following a muscle they flipped from my leg to build flaps in my abdomen 8 years ago.  The gyn oncology specialists reviewed my case in their tumor board meeting and they all agreed it could cause me more harm to open my scar tissue filled abdomen to fix it, than to leave it alone. However, it is a wound that requires dressing changes 2-3 times a day and can be painful with activity or even with sitting in an upright position. Sometimes these fistula wounds heal on their own and sometimes they don’t, but healing could take a decade. Please please pray that God gives me a miracle and heals this fistula to improve quality of life soon! It feels a bit overwhelming to add yet another medical dressing I need to maintain every day forever.  For those of you just joining my story, I already have two permanent ostomy bags to care for. 

Thank you for caring and praying friends! HAPPY JUNE!