Three weeks ago I stopped using the clinical trial medicine because of a terrible skin toxicity side effect. The medicine came out of my body in the form of a rash and pimple like sores. After lots of oatmeal baths, meds and Psoriasis shampoo I've survived! Though my outbreak was mostly on my upper torso, face and scalp, it definitely made me feel even more empathetic for Job! Poor Job and all those boils! (Job 2:7)
Last week's appointment showed that all of my blood work was back to normal except for my hemoglobin, which Dr. B says will improve over the next several weeks. My energy and shortness of breath has improved this week, so things are looking up!
Many have asked if I'm afraid....or angry....or disappointed. It is so odd that I feel none of these things. I truly believed that God gave me this Kras clinical trial right here 15 minutes from my house. I believed he was going to use this trial to heal me. Yet he quickly took the trial away with no other option dangling in front of me. Yet, the peace that I feel about it is unexplainable.
Right now as I'm typing God put these lyrics in my mind from Casting Crowns song, "Praise You in the Storm". These lyrics sum up my feelings better that my own words can today.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
#castingcrowns #praiseyouinthestorm #cancersurvivor #S4C #stage4