My comfort in my suffering is this,
Your promise preserves my life.
Psalm 119:50
With long suffering usually comes a weariness that can lead to discouragement and even fear. Perhaps, as in my case, a fear that this struggle may never end. That the pain will never go away this side of Heaven. That plans and dreams will never be reality, and that things will never be normal.
The power of the mind is a crazy thing. It can take us from a high one minute to a low the next. Sometimes we must choose to push our thoughts to focus on positivity and truth.
In my case, when a complete lack of energy and motivation, combined with pain , lingers on for a coupe weeks, I begin to sense the fear and discouragement wedging its way in. My mind begins to run wild with all the doubt saying, this is it! This is what you’ve feared would happen.
Yet, I force my mind to think back to truth. It starts by just saying the name of the Almighty!
My God, my God, where are you? I’m so scared and weary. I need you. Please help me in my suffering. Please heal me and make me well.
As I surrender my suffering and my need to God, truth begins to break through the fog.
“Many are saying of me, God will not deliver him (her, in my case), but you Lord , are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord and he answers me from His holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side!” Ps. 3:2-6
Truth, it settles, and I can ask; “I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.” Ps. 119:25
Thank you, Lord, for hearing my cries. And helping me. “My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promise preserves my life.” Ps 119:50
As my random fevers, dry cough, fatigue and pain continued on this last week it became hard. It became scary and discouraging. Yet, just as we are ready to make panicked dr appointments, I begin to feel some better. Energy and mental focus return. Just enough to wait another day, and then another, until I found myself “better”!
My blood cultures have now returned with no additional bacteria. It’s a miraculous thing how the body can recover, even when already compromised. I have a bit of cough holding on, but I am so encouraged!
Thank you for praying with me. For believing when I felt weak. Please continue to pray for wisdom as we see our local oncologist in November and consider other trips to search for clinical trials and a Stage 4 cure.
I believe it can happen! I believe that God sustains me until that day comes. I believe that God wants to give me life abundant this side of Heaven!
“So I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” (Heb. 12:2) because “You (Jesus) will keep him (her) in perfect peace, those whose minds are stayed on you”. (Is. 26:3)
