Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Thankful and Disappointed

At it again! Treatments are about 30 minutes from home in Fayetteville and we are becoming regulars here again. We’ve spent 4 1/2 hours here so far today, but learned that after several scans showing growth before this clinical trial treatment, THIS SCAN shows NO GROWTH! I wish I heard the word - shrinking- but we are thankful for NO GROWTH! My doctor said that immunotherapy doesn’t work in the same way as chemotherapy, so we should expect slow and steady results most likely. 

We didn’t get our favorite spot in the back of the room so Billy has to sit across from me this time so he’s over there shopping for trucks. (I wrecked the Tahoe and we have to replace it with a truck that can pull his bass boat - according to him. 😂)

My doctor asked about my mom today and I had to tell him that she passed away. We’ve talked about her at each appointment, and his shock and comment that Mutiple Myeloma should be so treatable just renewed my shock. I’m used to talking to mom on treatment days and answering her hundred questions. I miss that. 

I’m so thankful to be here living this life, but I’m so confused why my mom can’t be here as well. It is times like this that test our faith and we can choose to lean into God or pull away. It is only by God’s grace that I am still here alive and well after battling this cancer for almost 8 years. He hasn’t given up on me and I will not give up on Him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wrestle out my confusion and disappointment with the Lord. I’m learning how to praise him on the mountain and in the valley at the exact same time. ✝️