Billy & I are praying and discussing our options while we wait to hear back from my doctors this week. On one hand, we feel anxiety to have to face any additional procedure, but we also feel hope that they can eliminate some pain and symptoms I'm still having. The doctors were clear that I should not be feeling pain at this stage of recovery.
In the mean time I'm loving being home with my kids for the summer and feeling good enough to "do life" with them! I may be a bit different physically than before, and I may get tired much easier, but I'm alive and making more memories. In light of the several lives lost to cancer just since my surgery in January, I feel incredibly blessed and genuinely humbled to be where I am. My heart has cried for Martina, Georgia, Toni and Kathy over the last several months as they left this world to go be with our Savior. It is hard not to ask why they are gone and I am not....survivors guilt, I guess. They believed in miracles and fought just as hard as I did. They asked God to leave them here with their families and yet they are gone. Toni was one of the ladies we had been asking you to pray for specifically and she lost her battle with Ewing's Sarcoma the last week of June with a funeral on July 3rd. My heart ached terribly for her husband, children, family and friends who walked so closely with her. Please continue to pray over those left behind.
These ladies lives reminds me of my favorite song, Blessed be the Name of the Lord, based on Job 1:21. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." All of these women were praising God publicly, even to the end of their days. The least I can do is praise God for giving me an option to be cancer free and live on. In all honesty, this perspective hasn't always been easy in the last few months, but it is a choice I am making over and over. I hope those who have lost their battle with cancer will be honored by the way the rest of us live on with our gift called LIFE!
"Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering. Though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name. Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say...Blessed be your name!" (full song below)