Sometimes there are no words to describe how one feels after being hit hard with bad news. Sometimes it’s more like sounds of groaning, clenched teeth and crumbling to the ground.
We’re lacking options for treatment as they’ve found 4 fairly fast growing tumors in the left abdominal area. Two of them are 2 inches in diameter and the other two are about 1 inch in diameter. The one just under my left rib cage is hurting me and I can feel it. That’s creepy, right? I’ve never been able to feel one of my tumors like this before. It’s been keeping me awake at night as it must be pushing against some muscle and nerves.
Our local oncology only has treatments to offer that I’ve already used in the past to shrink tumors and hold the spread back. I’ll need to begin something quickly and we are praying for guidance and wisdom. There are a lot of things to consider as all treatments have some side effects, but mostly they can eliminate opportunity for future clinical trials because of being on the treatment, or having too severe of a side effect response. For example, one local trial I’m disqualified for because a prior immunotherapy treatment in 2019 caused a level 3 hepatitis response.
This was painful news. Our family feels confused, disappointed and full of questions for God. We’re a bit anxious and scared too. It is hard to rationalize that we believe God is powerful enough to heal me, but He’s choosing not to…yet. He’s sustained my life all these years, against the odds, but now this? This is a true spiritual battle moment and Satan would love nothing more than to see us curse God and throw away our faith. It’s a choice to still believe when circumstances don’t “feel” good. . Well, God has sustained my life this far. I’ve lived with this metastatic non-curable cancer since it spread the first time in 2012, but I need more treatment options. We’ll be searching for clinical trials while determining how to keep things under control locally.
We need your prayers for open doors and God’s help to find them. We need prayers for strength as we have multiple hard things we’re facing as a family, which I may share about someday. We need prayers to stay in the fight and to be encouraged and hopeful when we can’t understand where we’re headed.
I’m asking God what he wants from me. What is He wanting to accomplish? What can I do differently? I’m asking Him to lead me and use me for His glory. To align my will with His.
Prayers have gotten us to 12 years. Let’s keep going. Today, will you thank God for sustaining my life. Will you thank Him for how he’s going to heal me, though we don’t see it yet. Will you thank Him for walking hand in hand with His children when we’re scared and suffering.
Happy Thanksgiving my friends. May you hug your loved ones a little longer and make sure they know how you value them today. Four years ago we unknowingly spent our last Thanksgiving with Billy’s mom. I’m so grateful we got to host that year and take a lot of pictures! And so many people came to Arkansas to celebrate with us. What a gift!
I’m grateful for you, your encouragement and your prayers! God bless you and yours today!
