I walked into my appointment with my sister, Amy. I didn't feel real nervous, but my resting heart rate was 80 so I may have been! I shared with Amy that I felt surrendered to whatever God was going to ask of me, but that I felt like God may surprise us!
Once we got called back, my hubby surprised us! He seemed to think I had a lot of nervous energy! But really, what does he know?!?
After seeing two nurses we finally learned what we'd come for. Yesterday's scans show no new cancer spots, and only two spots with minimal growth! Plus, I am less symptomatic than I was at my last two appointments!
After a bit of discussion about the lack of a current clinical trial and my cancer growth rate, we decided to stay on course and keep waiting for the local trial to begin (possibly mid June) plus keep searching for another trial that I could qualify for.
This gamble feels a bit exciting (no treatment side effects) and a bit scary (what if ...). Yet, as Nick says, as long as I'm still here and I press forward, anything is possible!
As I've pressed forward, God has continued to surprise me; allowing me to feel good and live life with metastatic stage 4 cancer. Although there is still growing cancer, I believe God is protecting me and allowing me more quality time, more moments, more opportunities. I feel blessed to say, yes Lord. Steady my mind as I trust you with the gamble.
"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." 1 John 5:14
"The steadfast of mind you will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in you."