If nothing else, I am developing more capacity to accept or tolerate delays, trouble & suffering without getting angry.. I am growing in patience (i .e. self-control)
2 Peter 1:5-8 says, “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.”
Yesterday felt like a wasted day here; a definite delay. The GI doctor said they still “weren’t sure” what was causing all of this. My throat appears to have a very very mild version of a condition called Achalasia. They aren’t sure what is causing it and don’t feel they’ll do anything if they do know the answer right now because it is so mild. So we most likely won’t explore that further unless it worsens. (Occassional suffering with no fix). Then my stomach is inflamed. They took two biopsies from the stomach that are not back yet. They are looking for an infection with these biopsies. (Hurry up and wait), they aren’t sure if what they pushed through the entry of the small intestine was a partial blockage. They will know for sure when I live normally and eat normally and see how my pain and symptoms persist. (Not a clear answer) and lastly we couldn’t schedule scans until today because of my CT Iodine Contrast allergy, which require premeds. So I sat around here all day to take my prednisone and Benedryl regiment before scans this morning at 8 am. (Delay, I could have taken meds at home, Solitaire for why?)
I could be grumpy with my nurses. I could get frustrated with the doctor, but these healthcare workers are doing the best they can in the boundaries of their position and the hospital rules. So instead today I joked about how much I love Jello and Vegetable broth 3 times a day and how the only protein on my plate tastes like a liquid version of my childhood flinstone vitamins. The nurses and the aides laugh and I feel good that I can be an easy patient and see them smile or laugh as they go.
Today I’m awake right now because at 3:00 it was time for more prednisone. And 4:00 it was time for my vitals and any minute they’ll walk in to draw my bloodwork for today. They apologize as they wake me over and over and I told them I’m looking forward to my long nap after my pre-scan Benedryl. They laugh and say they might need some Benedryl too.
We have choices everyday. Choices to let out our frustration over the delays and inconveniences, directing that at people who are usually doing their best. There’s a few I’d say could step up their game, but for the overall group, they are delightful people working a job so they can go home and take care of their family. I see them and their hard work. I see their patience with patients that are not very happy and feel they can tell everyone about it. I’m choosing to have self-control and be kind. Even though it’s Day 11 up in this place! Whew! Never thought I’d be here this long and still don’t have a good clear answer on what is going on. Pray today we move forward quickly and don’t run into many delays, trouble or suffering. We can’t do anything about this solitary confinement but you can always come visit my window....after the Benedryl wears off!
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Col. 3:12
