Prayers must be plentiful

Words are scarce. Emotions are many. Prayers are plentiful. 

Sunday in church we sang the words “Have Thine own way Lord, have Thine own way.” So often I can sing these words with hope and belief that God is going to lead us in the right path and bring us something good and enjoyable in our life. Yet, when suddenly I’m literally scared of death. Not actually dying and meeting Jesus face time face (how amazing that will be! And I’d get to hug my Momma!) but the process of dying and the people I would leave behind. It is then, that it’s so difficult to feel the genuine trust required when I say to the Lord that I want him to have His way, and I’m not sure what that is going to be. 

Thursday after my MRI we learned that I have a 5th cancer tumor in the muscle near my tailbone. It is around 3 nerves including the sciatic nerve and pressing into the tailbone. This has been causing my severe pain. 

In case you’ve missed some posts that I posted on Facebook’s Team Kristi Prayer Warriors page I currently have the following. 

1. A dozen scattered tumors throughout both lungs. Dr Beck believes that I have a tumor pressing on a nerve in my lungs that is causing my chronic cough. I’m also experiencing some shortness of breath as these tumors continue to grow and take up more space in my lungs. 

2. A small spot in my brain. It’s been radiated and we believe that it is dead and the spot we see on image is just scar tissue. I’ve lost my hair in a quarter size spot on my head where this was radiated. 

3. My neck has a tumor that was in soft tissue and bone. The pain is so much improved after radiation and the tumor has shrunk but is not gone. I meet with the radiologist Thursday and will learn what he thinks about the activity of this tumor. 

4. A new tumor in my adrenal gland that sits on top of my kidney. I will find out Thursday if  this should be radiated. 

5. A new tumor by my tailbone and sciatic nerve. I will find out if this can be radiated on Thursday also. 

I’ve been off of my clinical trial meds for 6 weeks so they want me to begin a maintenance chemo until I can find a new clinical trial. I began this chemo regimen yesterday. It is Taxol and Avastin, which is the same thing I did for 21 weeks in 2015 and lost all my hair. I will lose my hair again in a couple weeks. 

I don’t feel like we have a very hope-filled plan at the moment, but I did do a biopsy of a tumor in my left lung last Wednesday to apply for a new immunotherapy trial locally. I did not qualify for the MD Anderson or St Louis trials we were looking at. 

I want to continue to feel hopeful and be able to live well as wife and mom, daughter/sister and friend. Praying for God to go before us in this and that I can align my will with His will. That my heart and mind can settle into the process. 

May His will be a miracle still! I’m just tired and weary from this almost 10 year battle, so this latest news hit me hard and discouraging. Billy as well. You can pray for our spirits to be positive and hopeful. We do believe God can still heal me if He wants to. He has always been faithful to walk closely with us, providing our every need, and we know He will be again. 

Thank you in advance for continued prayers and encouragement. We love you all so much.