Thursday, June 18, 2015

So Blessed Yesterday!

I've been so congested this week with a cough and extra sinus headaches. I also ended my antibiotic for my infection and I could tell it was back again. Feeling terrible,  I was really dreading yesterday's big treatment with all 3 meds again. And honestly, with a low grade fever too I wasn't sure if they would let me do the treatment at all. My Medical Oncologist said I was good to go with another round of antibiotics. The  blood # they watch for my ability to fight off infection was a 1200 and they say I'm good at 500, so that's a praise too! 

My sister, Katy, was supposed to pick me up yesterday to drive me to treatment, but when I came out of my room I found a huge surprise! My sister from Texas, Danina, was in my house to take me!!! That just made my day! She gets to stay until next Tuesday and we had a nice time catching up yesterday! She vacuumed and did dishes and laundry! She brought me joy and gave my other siblings a much needed break to take care of their own families! 

This is the first BIG treatment that my Mom and Dad have missed so I wore my Colorado shirt to represent them! 
While Nina and I were waiting on the doctor, my nurse, who is also Nina 😉, brought in this amazing gift! I saw it and it was just perfect! Perfect timing and a perfect message! 

This idea comes from my old blog post, which is 
here if you haven't read it. Thank you to the Ford's entire family for being so intentional in your encouragement. It renewed me to get out of the corner and FIGHT! And it brought me lots of laughs and smiles! Everyone else got some smiles too while we took this picture in the lobby! 
Another song came to mind as well. It's by Toby Mac and I love that it says I'll shine again. I may be knocked down, but not out forever! Thank you for this reminder! 

On top of these surprises my dear friend Ingrid came by. Clay dropped by. And my sweet friend Allison came to spend her lunch break with me and brought me some awesome Entangled coloring books and pencils.  That's a great stress reliever! Thank you friends! 


I did really good with all this encouragement yesterday and am having a decent day today! Got pretty shaky and my nurse says that's fatigue and I need to lay here I am blogging on my phone from bed! The worst usually hits Friday and through the weekend so please be in prayer that the cancer is dieing rapidly and my body stays strong for the FIGHT! 

I am blessed. 

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Best day yet!

Just when I began to think I would not recover, gaining strength or energy to do even the mundane tasks of life (dishes, laundry, showering, driving) I went in to get fluids and had some labs done. We found out that some of my symptoms, which I thought were from my chemo, was actually a bad infection in my "special built" urinary tract somewhere. They didn't really say where, but that my analysis looked terrible. It's crazy that I had no fever or something that would alert me except I felt aweful. Sounds crazy for those without an ostomy, but I have zero feeling/sensation like I would have normally.  I'm 2 days on antibiotics and having the best day I've had in two weeks!  I am plagued with some lightheaded/dizzy feeling and tire easier than normal, but I did some mundane chores and really enjoyed it! It's the small things that keep my heart hopeful for more good days! 

Today, I wish it weren't time, but I go for my 6th chemo treatment. It's a Taxol only day and I will get fluids before the weekend in hopes that this is a good week end with the family. Please join us in prayer for this. Also, pray for Billy as he's home sick today which is a complete rarity. He goes to work no matter what, but he was so sick last night and this morning. I kind of think it's some food he ate last night, but we aren't sure so he's quarrantined away from me! 

Thank you for your continued prayers and kindness. All your messages, texts and love encourages us to keep up the fight and stay hopeful! May you be blessed today. 

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Chemo Day - Week 5

Today I still felt no energy and had no appetite. My platelets are low. I'm a bit anemic and my Potassium is a teeny bit low. These results were good on Monday when I went in for fluids with vitamins & minerals. 

They gave me some extra steroids for energy & appetite and even sleepy from the Benedryl I ate more today than I have in the last 5 days. I wiSh I got a picture with each visitor that came to bring me joy and gifts of food today! 

My long time friend, Jenny, brought me a goodie bag and a kids meal from Braums....just the way I crave it lately. We had such a great visit....long overdue. 💕

Kathy Rusch came bearing gifts of MiMi's Cafe muffins, lots of cheer and encouragement. 

Clay came with more watermelon, diced perfectly bite size for sweet hydration! 

And Kent came full of smiles, peace, fist pumps and care...just the way he is always for a friend. My husband stopped by, my adorable parents were there. I saw my friend, Lesley, while she was getting her chemo too. What a social day at the chemo room! 

And in honor of my sister's birthday I decided to pull myself together for the first time in a week. You gotta fake it 'til you make it! Happy Birthday Danina! I love and adore you! 

Tonight I'm feeling very low energy, but I'm home. We had a beautiful spaghetti dinner from Sara Schafer tonight! And yes, I even ate a cookie for dessert! Soon the phenegran will put me into a slumber in hopes to awake with more "life" in this body and controlled nausea (please Jesus)?!?!

Will you pray that tomorrow is a better day? A day where I can function around here and do mundane chores and errands? Will you pray that this medicine is battling the cancerous tumors and killing them off one by one.  A permanent death of this cancer is needed. 

Love you all. 

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Visual changes; very hard week

When I am weak, He is strong. When I am heavy burdened, He carries my burdens. When I am at a loss for prayer, He intercedes for me. Who is He? My Savior. Jesus. God. The Holy Spirit. Yahweh. Jehovah. El Shaddai. 

Do you know Him? How I pray you do. I couldn't face today or any other day without Him. He guides. He Provides. He lifts me up. He lights my steps. He understands. He extends mercy and courage, grace and comfort. 

I've experienced Him in all these ways before, but as you heal and get better it feels more difficult to go back to the intimately known territory than brings pain, sickness, loss, humility and hardship all around you. I know the look in my husbands eyes when he's hurting for me. I hear the pain in my Daddy's voice. I see the determination and courage in my siblings features. I see the disappointment and confusion in my children. I feel the warm concern of my Mama. I experience the generosity of so many through food, visits, messages and cards, financial gifts and tokens to bring me joy and entertainment.  It's all too familiar this time, but yet it's not. 

I have been through chemo before, and dealt with extreme fatigue and nausea, even losing half of my hair post surgery. Yet, the visual that I'm sick once again was a hard hit, while also spending 4 days in bed this weekend. 

I felt so terrible on Saturday I knew we should cut my hair off as half of it was gone, but I didn't have the mental or physical capacity. Sunday night as I showered another 1/4 of my hair washed out and left matted tangles that my mom came to brush out as I struggled with nausea and vomiting around midnight. Still my hair was matted again with no repair Monday morning. My sisters, Amy & Katy, came to do the dreaded dead of shaving my head. They were so brave and gentle.  They helped me dress and go get fluids and anti nausea meds in my new wig. Billy says he thinks I'm beautiful on the inside and that makes me beautiful on the outside too. He's so sweet to me. Alyssa wanted to see my bald head and touch it and talk about it while she tried on my wig and danced around looking fabulous! Isaiah says he likes the wig and knows he'll get used to it like a new hair cut, but he's not ready to see my bald head yet. He holds my hand, at almost 13, and says he just knows I'll feel better tomorrow. I can see the hope to encourage me in his young eyes. 

My body may ache and sickness may rule over the day, but my heart is full. I am treated like the daughter of The King. I may not be happy, but Joy is mine to claim. I fight to choose it each day. This day more difficult to express outwardly, but it's there in my heart, where He lives.