Reality?

This picture makes me think of how social media so often portrays only the good side of our lives. If I only posted this pic with no commentary, you’d think I feel great and am busy living life! In reality, I took a 2 hour rest in order to have enough energy to spend 45 minutes putting myself together for family photos.  The photos were being taken at the end of the driveway, but Chris walked me to the truck so that Billy could drive me down there. We spent 15-20 minutes doing various photos and then in the truck I went to go back to the couch. 

I am so grateful to be with family who cares for me, are patient with me and are being attentive to how I feel or what I need. This has allowed me to get away for Christmas in Colorado and enjoy new scenery and quality time. Good for my spirit! 

One week ago I finished my 5 doses of double radiation, which just means they radiated two places, but individually back to back. I’ve been fighting pain, fatigue, nausea, fever and weakness. This morning I woke in pain and had 102.7 temp. I’m on a 2nd round of antibiotics so this fever is a mystery. Have you ever had fever solely because of intense pain? It comes and goes randomly. 

I’ll have a couple weeks to recover from radiation, plus Monday Jan 2nd I will do my 2nd dose of Avastin in the infusion room. 

Please be praying that Avastin and this radiation stops all new growth and shrinks current tumors. 

Pray for my travels home and my pain. 

Pray my fever goes away and there is no infection. 

Lastly, there is a clinical trial that my tissue has the marker for, but we don’t know if there is room for me. Please pray over this as my local oncologist has referred me and I’ll get an update next week. 🙏🏻

Sorry for the late update. I just haven’t had the focus or energy to even be on electronics. 

Merry Christmas and God bless!🌠

Rock Solid Love & Devotion

I just found this pic on my phone. Billy must have taken it last week when I started treatment with Avastin. It’s been a rocky week as how bad I felt going into treatment and radiation is just piled upon. This man who I’ve gotten to call my husband over 25 years is standing rock solid is his care and concern for me. We are not in denial to the serious situation we face, but together we choose to still seek God for hope. I watch Billy taking care of everything and it’s so evident that God is His strength right now. Nothing is more attractive. He’s humble, sad, encouraging and gentle; pointing us all to God to help us in whatever comes. I feel like God is asking us to come to the end of ourselves. That doesn’t mean don’t hope and pray for healing. For me right now, it means being at peace with God’s story… His will for our lives, yet still living and planning for a future! Why? Because at some point our human mind can’t understand or see how the story works out, but God’s ways are so much higher than ours. We aren’t supposed to be able to comprehend God size plans. 

Thank you Billy for being a steadfast rock in my life right now, once again. We are both better people because of our trials, but we are weary too. 

Pray for Billy as he Carries the load of our life. 

Pray for my body to receive the Avastin and iron and radiation for healing, but tolerate it in a way that is only a God thing next week on Christmas vacation. 

Pray for our kids to feel God’s comfort and strength as they navigate this with us, but live their own full beautiful lives as well. 

Pray away fever, infection, extreme fatigue and pain. 

3 more radiation treatments in Fayetteville next week. 

Thank you for walking with us! 

Help alleviate some medical bills for the Wrights!

After her recent diagnosis, many people have asked me how they could help Kristi and Billy. They have asked for a Gofundme page. So today I made one! She has fought so hard for 12 years to just live. To just be here! Please donate if you can, but if you can't, please share the page for me! That would be wonderful! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! It's hard to feel like you can't do anything to make this better for her! But I realized I can help alleviate the financial stress and be able to give people a way when they ask. This will be a true blessing for her and Billy both. If you prefer to send a check or do something different please reach out to me, my dad, or my siblings and we can help arrange that. Or just share the page! THANK YOU! 

It is on her @teamkristi prayer warriors Facebook page also. 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/donate-to-help-kristi-wrights-medical-bills?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&fbclid=IwAR1P2vR0rn-y2InYHcLtlRSlEOkcn8sCtBamlZdgHbcL0FU0zElFoZ3mqkA&mibextid=Zxz2cZ

12 years and still a new experience today

Billy and I left the house early today to get the first appointment with my Medical Oncologist. I slept only about an hour last night because my body was aching. All the way down my left leg, through my hips and lower back and around to the front on my left, where I can feel the largest tumor. I didn’t feel very good, but thought maybe I had an infection that didn’t clear up. We expected the doctor to have researched other clinical trials, and he did have one I may qualify for in other states. He will talk to them for me to determine more eligibility. 

In the mean time, we got surprised. My sister says she didn’t know we still could be surprised and learn about new places! Yet, my blood work was not good today. Red blood cells and hemoglobin were both way too low, so all other appointments for treatment planning got cancelled and we were sent to Mercy hospital to have a blood transfusion. We went to a new infusion room, we’d yet to have seen! It took about 7 1/2 hours to give me two bags of blood, but I was feeling some better when we left tonight; especially in my legs. 

I will call in the morning to find out next steps. I cannot do any treatment until my blood work is back to a normal (or safe) range, but I was supposed to meet with the radiology oncologist today to see if he could safely radiate this abdominal tumor that’s causing me a lot of pain. We will also wait to hear about the clinical trial eligibility and space more before I can start doing Avastin, and IV Antibody. 

We don’t know why my blood count got too low. It could be an internal bleed, so please pray against that! 

Please pray for extraordinary wisdom, a sense of urgency, relief from pain, restored blood, and no more cancer growth. 

On a bright note, we were allowed visitors today, so Billy and my sister, Amy, hung out with me for a very long day in uncomfy chairs. Grateful for good family, good local medical care, and for a Jesus who gives me courage, peace and wise counsel. 

Talk about a punch in the gut.

I’ve been quiet as I process, and there’s no eloquent way to share this news.  We’ve had another serious family situation this week in addition to my scan results, which were not good. 

Sometimes there are no words to describe how one feels after being hit hard with bad news. Sometimes it’s more like sounds of groaning, clenched teeth  and crumbling to the ground. 

We’re lacking options for treatment as they’ve found 4 fairly fast growing tumors in the left abdominal area. Two of them are 2 inches in diameter and the other two are about 1 inch in diameter. The one just under my left rib cage is hurting me and I can feel it. That’s creepy, right? I’ve never been able to feel one of my tumors like this before. It’s been keeping me awake at night as it must be pushing against some muscle and nerves. 

Our local oncology only has treatments to offer that I’ve already used in the past to shrink tumors and hold the spread back. I’ll need to begin something quickly and we are praying for guidance and wisdom. There are a lot of things to consider as all treatments have some side effects, but mostly they can eliminate opportunity for future clinical trials because of being on the treatment, or having too severe of a side effect response. For example, one local trial I’m disqualified for because a prior immunotherapy treatment in 2019 caused a level 3 hepatitis response. 

This was painful news. Our family feels confused, disappointed and full of questions for God. We’re a bit anxious and scared too.  It is hard to rationalize that we believe God is powerful enough to heal me, but He’s choosing not to…yet. He’s sustained my life all these years, against the odds, but now this? This is a true spiritual battle moment and Satan would love nothing more than to see us curse God and throw away our faith. It’s a choice to still believe when circumstances don’t “feel” good. . Well, God has sustained my life this far. I’ve lived with this metastatic non-curable cancer since it spread the first time in 2012, but I need more treatment options.  We’ll be searching for clinical trials while determining how to keep things under control locally. 

We need your prayers for open doors and God’s help to find them. We need prayers for strength as we have multiple hard things we’re facing as a family, which I may share about someday. We need prayers to stay in the fight and to be encouraged and hopeful when we can’t understand where we’re headed. 

I’m asking God what he wants from me. What is He wanting to accomplish? What can I do differently?  I’m asking Him to lead me and use me for His glory. To align my will with His. 

Prayers have gotten us to 12 years. Let’s keep going. Today, will you thank God for sustaining my life. Will you thank Him for how he’s going to heal me, though we don’t see it yet. Will you thank Him for walking hand in hand with His children when we’re scared and suffering. 

Happy Thanksgiving my friends. May you hug your loved ones a little longer and make sure they know how you value them today. Four years ago we unknowingly spent our last Thanksgiving with Billy’s mom. I’m so grateful we got to host that year and take a lot of pictures! And so many people came to Arkansas to celebrate with us. What a gift! 

I’m grateful for you, your encouragement and your prayers! God bless you and yours today! 

12 YEAR CANCER-VERSARY

TODAY IS MY 12 YEAR CANCER-VERSARY.  11-15-2-22

Today I thought I’d wake-up miraculously cancer free, but I didn’t. 

Today a fellow Northwest Arkansas cancer warrior died after battling 9 1/2 years. His family grieves while they know he is well in Heaven. 

Today I’m thankful to be alive. Thankful God continues to sustain my life here on earth. 

Today my daughter had to go to the Children’s hospital after having a gastro virus since Sunday. She needed 2 bags of iv fluid she was so dehydrated. 

Today I am grateful to be here  to be her mom and go with her.  

Today I thought I’d be in a hospital recovering in OKC. 

Today God has m exactly where I needed to be. 

Today I got to have dinner with family and attend a women’s worship service at the church. 

Today God met me in the song lyrics - 

“If more of you means less of me. Take everything.”  Boy, this is a big heavy thing to offer to the Lord - everything-! 

Today I know all the things that God’s allowed to be taken and broken in me have made me into a better version  of me reflecting Him. 

Today I’m processing and praying as we learn what’s next.  I know God is sovereign. 

Pics of us tonight at the church for the Gather & Give service. 

Amy (sister), me, Rachel (sister-in-law), Danina (sister)

Danina, me. 

Thank you to the woman sitting behind us that felt compelled to take this picture and then share it with us. I love it so much as this is how I’ve survived so much! Lots of love, laughter, tears and support. 

What is God Doing Now?

My friends, I have news we’ve been processing, praying over and wrestling with God about since yesterday morning. I know I must share this today and have been working my way through scripture to meet God there and hear from him this morning. 

My surgeon called yesterday and said there is a new cancer spot in my left kidney. This is the kidney he operated on in May and it is not safe to operate on that part of my abdomen again. This means my surgery is cancelled for Monday. Best practices in surgery is only to do surgery if it can be a curative option for a patient and because of this new spot being in the left side and the surgery for Monday is in my right side, he cannot say surgery would be curative. Of course, this was shocking and so discouraging to hear. He spoke with Dr Beck locally and he agrees we need to pause and regroup. I hope to see Dr Beck early this next week, but I don’t have an appointment yet. If they scan other areas, and these two spots are all they find active, then they could possibly “freeze” the spot in the kidney killing it and then I could move forward with the surgery. There are risks of creating a hole in my diaphragm or collapsing a lung with the freezing, so more work needs done to know if that is a good option. Honestly, I worry about you all, as you follow this story.  Please do not be discouraged in your faith because of this news. As my friend told me, this is a comma, not a period. God has not said no, but not yet. Maybe he’s got something else to accomplish in me, or even you, first. Ask Him what He wants from you. This morning I askedHim what He wants from me.  This morning as I read through my bible study lesson and it just so happens to be on spiritual warfare and uses the Israelites crossing the Jordan to the promise land as an example. The author literally says in her commentary that we must cross OUR Jordan to OUR promise land. I am reminded that the Israelites still faced tribes (problems) to be battled and defeated even after crossing. Also reminded to dress myself in the spiritual armor God has empowered me with! God allows the battle, but provides us the wisdom and strength to win where He sees fit. I admit my biggest question for God is if He will choose to heal me here.  I would despair, like David said, if I did not have hope that I will see God’s Goodness in the land of the living. 

I’m being persistent in my prayers to be authentic in sharing my battle, that God would continue to grow our faith and belief together and that He will give me strength and courage to live out His purpose and plans for me, my family and all of you! May my will align with what God’s doing, because I certainly can’t see it right now! What I do know right now is that God has been faithful in the past. I’ve never walked through any battle without Him holding my hand. I wouldn’t want to face any of this life without God! 

Please be in prayer for Billy &I, our kids and family and friends! Pray for the doctors to be willing to dig deeper and color outside of the lines if God wants them to. God is the author of this story. Stay tuned….

Enjoy the first of two Podcasts

https://www.redeemedheartsministries.com/podcast-episodes/cancer-with-christ-part-1

This is available through ApplePodcasts, Spotify, and this website for your listening choice. 

Cancer Journey Podcast

Friday, I was interviewed for a series of podcasts by Redeemed Hearts Ministries in Pampa, Texas. Next Monday, as I go into surgery claiming God’s healing from this 12 years of cancer, the first podcast will be shared on RHM’s Facebook page, website and Spotify.  I’ll be sharing about my cancer journey and how God has spoken to me and been faithful to all involved. I hope you’ll go follow their page and plan to listen and pray! 

Here is RHM’s website. 

https://www.redeemedheartsministries.com/

Redeeming November

Feels like a longtime before my surgery will happen now that I’ve had to reschedule due to being sick. I’m reminding myself that God is in control of the details that I can’t control. How in control actually blows our minds! 

I was originally taken to surgery to remove a growth in my episiotomy scar. We weren’t concerned that it was cancer at all because my body grew lots of strange things in my 20’s. Dermgoid tumors, adhesions, endometriosis, cysts. All had been benign. 

November 9th 2010 they removed this new growth. A couple days later I went back to the office for work, moving on with life. 

November 15th 2010 the nurse called and said the doctor wanted to see me in his office. This screamed abnormal. I called Billy and asked him to meet me at the doctor’s office. That afternoon we learned I had a very rare type of cancer called vaginal adenocarcinoma. Only 50 women in the U.S. were diagnosed per year. There was no standard treatment regimen known. 

Fast forward to now - 12 years later! 

November 9th 2022 I will go have a new CT Scan and preop for my rescheduled surgery. 

November 14th 2012 I will have my rescheduled surgery to remove the last known active cancer and spend the night in the hospital. 

November 15th 2022 I will have my first day cancer free! And maybe get to come home! 

Who, but God, puts this schedule together?!? 

Luke 8:43-44 “Now there was a woman who had been suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years; and though she had spent all she had on physicians, no one could cure her. She came up behind Jesus and touched the fringe of his clothes, and immediately her hemorrhage stopped.

8:48 Then He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you.  Go in peace.”

Join me in praying for healing from cancer here on earth by means of this surgery in OKC exactly 12 years later from diagnosis. 

The Anchor of Our Soul

Hope is an anchor of our soul, both sure and steadfast, according to Hebrews 6:19.  If a boat floats on the water not anchored, what happens? It is pushed every which way the waves and wind wants to blow it.  It has nothing to steady it.  Nothing to keep it on course for its destination.  Nothing keeping it safe from attack and destruction. This is just like us.  As the world blows in one hard storm after another, if we are not anchored to something sure and steadfast, we'll be tossed about until we are lost, or worse yet, destroyed.  

What is your soul anchored to?  

Two years ago at the beginning of the covid pandemic of 2020, I was watching church on TV one day and the pastor was talking about how God told the Isrealites they had wandered long enough in the desert. They'd been wandering lost for 38 years.  I was certain that this was a message straight to my heart from God that my time had come to leave the desert and I'd get to see the promised land where God would restore the years the locust had eaten.  This was coming out of a year and a half of cancer spots being found because of immense pain in my body.  These spots had to be radiated for treatment and I'd been pushing through pain, sickness from treatment and doing life with our very busy family of 5.  Chris had just gotten married and we'd moved he and his bride to Arizona.  Alyssa was doing pageants and had won for Arkansas and then competed at the National level in California over Thanksgiving. She was doing school cheer and track.  Isaiah was a high school senior and we were busy enjoying all the things that come along with the lasts of Senior year, plus preparing for college. I was doing it all and loving it all, but so weary deep into my bones.  When I heard that message of leaving the desert, it spoke straight to my heart.   Oh the hope that overflowed my heart! 

Not 2 months later, we entered into one of the hardest seasons of our life as a family.  Satan wanted to destroy us.  He brought a darkness into our home that we'd never even imagined. There was no one we knew who could understand our situation.  No one who could truly help carry the burdens and fear we began to face.  The deep in your soul suffering was something I'd never experienced before. Close family couldn't help us.  The Christian community who knew didn't know how to engage and serve us.  Someday, maybe, God will ask us to share the details of this time, but for now it is enough to know that Satan wanted to see us lose our faith. He wanted us to fall facedown on the ground cursing the God we'd loved and trusted endlessly.  

Some days the darkness swallowed us up whole leaving us paralyzed in our own minds. Questioning what God was allowing and why we felt abandoned and so alone. Other times I could find no words to pray except to repeat, help us God. One summer day I decided to sit on the back porch and listen to "The Blessing" by Kari Jobe.  I could only pray as I listened to the lyrics accounting how God would turn His face toward us, be gracious to us and give us peace. (Numbers 6:24-26).  It goes on to express God's favor to our family for a thousand generations, for our children, and our children's children. ( Deuteronomy 7:9)  It reminded me that God is with me and He is for me. (Deuteronomy 31:8).  These purely sang scriptures, literally written and released in 2020, became my prayer anthem every single morning.  I would listen, meditating on the words and then pray out Satan in the power of Jesus blood.  Slowly, day by day, I felt my anchor becoming steadfast and sure again. 

How long would this continue though, Lord?  We whined and complained just like the Isrealites.  We knew nothing else to do, but to desperately grip the rope that kept us tied to the anchor of our souls.  Without this, we knew we'd drown and our family be destroyed. Our family began to take tiny steps forward in healing, understanding, foregiveness and grace.  There are still so many bruises and scrapes being tended to, but the promise stands true.  Here we are 2 years later, just like the Isrealites in their 40th year.  God says, now is the time! We can almost taste and see the promised land. Not only coming out of this unbelievably dark and painful season as a family, but also in my cancer battle.  Stay tuned for more about this because its going to blow your mind.  Never untie your anchor, friends, for it is our only hope.

Let’s Go God!

Guys, I owe you an update. I’m sorry I’ve been procrastinating! And I’ve been busy livin’! 

My doctors feel that my right adrenal, which they’ve been watching since before my last surgery, is failing me. Plus, it looks enlarged. I am currently supplementing my body’s ability to create cortisol by taking 2 pills a day. This is tricky to dose because everyone’s body is used to different amounts. AND, God made our bodies so smart to self dose as we need more or less during physical activity, stress, illness, etc. Now I must learn how to do this myself. Our adrenal glands also help us absorb and regulate storing potassium and sodium. Mine is not doing well at this so I end up low on either and this can effect my heart, hydration, energy and cravings. Oh how I’ve been craving green olives and dill pickles!  I’m now taking medication for this as well. 

Currently, we are scheduled to have my right adrenal removed in Oklahoma City on 10/19 by the same robotic surgeon that did my May surgery. This should be MUCH easier on him and me. 

After surgery we will have to really figure out medication doses as my body won’t be supplying any adrenal function, so I’ll stay in the hospital a few days to manage the medication process. 

Be praying that a cancelation will happen if I need this surgery sooner. Pray that there is no spread of cancer and all will be removed after this surgery. Pray for medication management so that I can feel good to live out the life God puts before me. 

Pray that we continue to be faithful with the story God is writing through us and that people will see His name in this and not mine/ours. 

God is in me and I am in Him. I am secure in that truth and willing to go where He leads us next! 

Just keep in mind it will be 12 years since diagnosis on November 15th! And I was blessed to turn 46 this week. Let’s go God! 🙌🏻🙏🏻💜 

God is at work!

My Dad took me to see my local oncologist, Dr Beck, yesterday and guess what Doc said?!?! 

He said, you are a miracle after miracle! ✝️💜 I believe it! He said after reading my surgery report he was glad to see me on the other side of the big surgery doing good, because we got it out in the Nick of time! Well, praise God for the feeling of urgency moving in my spirit. 

I told him I had asked the elders to pray over me and that I believe that like the woman who bled for 12 years and reached out to touch Jesus garment hem for healing, I was reaching out in that same faith. Doc smiled and said he feels he is just to be used as a tool of the Lord! Yes, Jesus! May we all just be a tool for the Lord to use  the talents, time and treasure that God has given to us. 

Currently I am feeling so much better. I haven’t taken anti nausea or Tylenol for pain in my abdomen for a couple days. God is hearing all our prayers and He is answering with yes! Please join me in remembering to thank Him for answered prayers today! 

My wound infection isn’t causing me problems at the moment so Doc doesn’t want me to be to do another round of antibiotic, but said if it reseats ugly head again he will call me in a med that is a cousin to penicillin, but I’ve tolerated it before. 

I’ll have routine scans August 2nd with results on the 4th. Praying these are clearly cancer free scans!!! 

P.s. I included this TV playing Bob Ross at my appointment yesterday because I’ve never seen that here before and Mom loved learning to paint from Bob Ross. Made dad & I feel like Mom was winking at us. 💛 🌹

Great news with a hint of doubt

I had my check up at OU OKC and everything is healing perfectly! PTL! Thank you for praying for our drive. I survived. 😉 

The doctor said two more weeks before I can carry more than a gallon of milk. Also, he said it can take months to get my body back to accepting food normally since the stomach, colon and pancreas were all impacted and aide in digestion. I am only able to eat about 1/2 cup of food at a time and very few options settle well. I’ve lost 15 pounds since surgery so he said just eat anything my stomach will accept. He suggested that I get an appointment with pain management to help with ongoing discomfort, which I’ll talk to my home health nurse about tomorrow. 

He surprised us with the pathology report of everything that was removed and it showed there was cancer in ALL areas they removed except the stomach. I was shocked! I thought most of that was removed because of radiation scarring. I’m so thankful God gave me peace and even a sense of urgency to do the surgery. 

So the pancreas, spleen, kidney and adrenal gland are all good clear margins and the cancer should be gone. The colon they couldn’t tell if the margins were good because of the way the robot removes tissue, but there was only a cluster of 20 cells that showed cancer so they are hopeful that they got it. And on my back he sent in a sample and it was cancer there also, but he burned that entire area on my back so I’m hoping I’m good, but there’s no way to tell right now. It’s too early for scans while I’m full of inflammation.  He said he feels 99.5 % sure he got everything out, but we have to lean on our faith for the other .5% as this tumor had lots of little fingers reaching out. Pray and claim it’s all actually gone with us. Although the percentage feels good, there are still unknowns, which felt overwhelming today, and the enemy would like nothing more than to discourage us in our faith, stealing our joy and peace. 

Danina reminded me of this great quote. 

“Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light”.  

I came across this while scrolling social media tonight. 

And Amy reminded me of the scripture in Isaiah 55:9-11. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
 and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.“

Lastly, I always turn to Psalm 91. 

Fall fresh on us Lord as we soak up your scripture to fight off the enemy and increase our belief. Be our refuge and our peace. - Amen

First pre op appointment

Billy is driving me to OKC for a 10:15 AM appointment with Dr Patel, the urologic oncologist and robotic surgeon. I’m dreading the ride as it still hurts my insides just to hiccup. We’re bringing my soft blanket and lots of pillows to soften the bumps in the road for me. I’m walking on my own now, but not that far, so hopefully they have a chair Billy will be able to push me in. Mainly so I don’t have as difficult end to my day when I’ve overdone it. I am expecting a good post operative check up, so just looking for some advice on timing for healing and eating more normally, plus answers on a few new side effects. Please pray that the long travel day goes ok and that I get good news and answers tomorrow. 

It’s too early for a scan so this is just basic blood work and an in office exam.  I think I may get more vaccines that require boosters after removing my spleen. 

Thanks for continued prayers, encouragement and support. Some days the recovery feels real slow and long. You all help me keep going! 

So you ask God for help…now remember to thank Him for the answer

I am thinking about how we (me, you & so many more people) have continued to ask, seek, and knock on the great power of our God to help all involved and ultimately heal me in a miraculous way! I believe that God has healed me of my disease and redeemed me to live a life bringing glory to God in all ways He provides me. 

Now, 2 weeks after surgery, I want to remind us all that  it is time to go back and thank God for doing as we ask and praise Him for the way I am healing from the big surgery I needed to endure to get to the other side of this cancer trial! 

May we never forget to go back and give thanks to the One who answers our prayers, directs us all in the best way and provides healing on earth and in Heaven.

Guess who is HOME sweet HOME

We were thrilled to hear that we could leave the hospital and make the 3 1/2 hour drive home today! 

We had a swift discharge and Billy got me loaded in the truck padded on all sides with pillows and blankets. We had a quick meet up with Billy’s Dad and step mom, Anita,  at a gas station on the way out of OKC. They came to the truck to say bye while Billy ran inside for a couple things. 

The first 2 hours of the drive went ok, but then I began to hurt a lot from all the bumps on the road. Reminded me of my TPE surgery in 2013 where every single bump is felt throughout the entire abdomen. The other thing that reminded me of my 2013 Total Pelvic Exenteration was that for the second time in my life a surgeon pointed at me and said, if anyone ever wants to do surgery in that area again, you tell them no way! 

Billy got me home as fast and gently as he could and got me to the bathroom and to bed. He ran to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions and back home to give me my dosages. Then to the grocery store to grab a few things I can eat and drink, which are few and far between right now. I’m eating small amounts of unsweetened pears and peaches. I like a small scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy. No sugar added Fruit popcicles and dragonfruit vitamin water over sonic style ice. I’m trying to think if anything else sounds good and White Basmati rice from Tazikis sounds good. Lol. My diet will be real picky and small for a while. We’ve done this before and have learned ways to sneak in protein with scrambled or hard boiled eggs and some chocolate Boost. Anyway, if someone wants to bring Billy a big juicy burger or gift cards for meaty type places I bet he’d like that. Lol. Isaiah is living in his apartment at Fayetteville and Alyssa is gone working a lot still. Im looking forward to seeing Alyssa tonight and the boys again soon though. 

For now,  I’m signing off for my first night sleeping out of the chaos of the hospital. I’ve already had the best nap ever and Billy’s started a notebook list of my many meds and dosage times. He’s a a good one. 

Thank you God for getting me through a larger surgery than we even expected, plus the first week of recovery. There were a few times all I could do was ask for help from you. You always came through. Help us to be able to manage pain well at home. Please provide safety from infection and pancreatic leaks. Help my bowels to keep moving. Use our experience of suffering to bring you glory and populate Heaven.  ~ Amen. 

Surgery Results

Thank you for carrying Kristi, the family and the medical team today through prayer.  

Kristi is out of surgery and in recovery.  She has done well.  There were several surgeons involved and they feel good about what they were able to do.  We are thanking God they were able to do this all robotically as it will be much easier on her body for recovery.  This was an answer to prayer.  Kristi told them this morning to take any sign of cancer out they saw and they were able to do this.  Another answer to prayer.  Our hearts are both thankful and heavy.  

They have removed the cancerous adrenal gland along with the top 1/8th of her kidney.  Cancer was also found in her spleen so they have removed her spleen and the tip of her pancreas where the spleen attaches.  They had expected they could find this.  The cancer had unexpectedly attached itself to the colon and the stomach so they also had to take a small part of each organ to get clear margins.  The removal of a small piece of her stomach and the tip of her pancreas will require extra care in her recovery.  

She will stay at the OU Medical Center Hospital in OKC through the weekend and they will evaluate her next week before sending her home.  

Please specifically pray that her bowels and stomach will adjust quickly and for no leakage of pancreatic fluid causing complications in her healing.  

We started the day praying Psalm 138:7,8 and will continue!   So thankful for God’s steadfast love, and His promise to fulfill HIS purposes for Kristi’s life and her suffering!

-Danina

Being obedient to God’s nudges

After seeing the oncologists on Wednesday 5/11 I felt God saying to call our Pastor and ask for a time of prayer with the elders and some of my friends and family. This nudge grew into a loud repetitive thought in my mind by Saturday. So,  on Saturday, 5/14, I reached out to our Pastor and He invited the elders to come and carry out James 5, anointing me with oil and praying over me for healing. I got excited in anticipation and invited family and our community group, my bible study group, my cancer posse ladies and several others. I began to feel pain in my back, wrapping around my side. My fatigue went to an extreme level and pretty soon my whole body was aching. By Tuesday night I was so discouraged I was in tears. As I drug myself into bed I thought…Satan is attacking me. This is spiritual warfare. I prayed for God to take captive my every thought and for Satan to flee in the power of Jesus name, and I went to sleep once again tossing and turning and hurting all night. Wednesday I napped to be ready for our prayer time at the church and hoped I’d have enough energy to share with the group. 

I entered into our place of worship and saw so many faces of those I love and care about. We went to a smaller room and everyone circled around me. My dad on my right and my husband, son and daughter on my left. The Pastor called us into prayer and then ask me to introduce my guests and share about what I am facing next. I felt the aches of my body begin to dissipate as I talked about being obedient to the Lord’s leading. As each elder and pastor read scripture over myself and my family, anointed our heads with oil and prayed, I grew lighter and less in pain. 

The Holy Spirit was powerful and moving in that room. 

This may sound like a crazy thing to do for some of you, but I just see it as an act of obedience to my creator, reverence to my God and surrender to my Savior. 

Today, after doing this last night, was the most productive day I’ve had in quite some time. The Lord is at work and I’m definitely here for it! 

Please read some of the scripture read and prayed over me last night and if you know Jesus and the Holy Spirit lives in you, these scriptures also are for you to accept for yourself. Name and claim the goodness and power of God in your life as well. 

Thank you so much to all who prayed locally and afar. Keep it up! Surgery in 1 week. 

The words in my file say terminal, but the words from my Savior say life.

Yesterday I found myself saying “I know my patient file says terminal, but my prayer time says life”.

I met with a new gyn onc yesterday and to say that her career as an oncologist has hardened her is an understatement. She provided no hope; just experience and statistics. Those statistics say I should already be dead. Her experience says that if we remove this cancer surgically the cancer will still come back somewhere else. In fact she believes it is somewhere else and we just cannot see it yet. She recommends skipping the surgery and going to an antibody targeted treatment that reads like a last ditch effort to get 8 more months of life. She told me my slow growing cancer will eventually morph into fast spreading and we just don’t know when, so the iv systematic treatment or surgery is ultimately my decision. It was the most hopeless and discouraging appointment I’ve ever sat through in 11.5 years of cancer. 

I wonder if this doctor has ever met my Jesus? I wonder if she’s looking at it all wrong? Instead of saying everyone else has usually died by this point and so my time is coming, perhaps she should wonder what is working for me that I am still here? Not only still alive, but actually living life! 

When Billy had enough of her negativity, he stood up and thanked her for seeing us and giving us her time. 

We walked out weighed down, quiet and lifeless. 

As we waited to consult with the surgeon (urologic oncologist) next I began to research the treatment she recommended and processing what just happened. 

I realized I’ve been labeled with terminal cancer in my patient file for 8 years and yet I don’t feel that way. I don’t look that way. I’ve never accepted that label in my mind or heart. This wasn’t a deliberate thought or decision, so why? 

The only answer I can think  of is that I know my Jesus and I know my days are numbered by Him alone. I know that the word of medicine says terminal, but the word of God says life. 

Our surgeon is confident in doing this procedure, although very exploratory. Best case scenario he will be able to remove the adrenal gland and top of kidney robotically and I will be in the hospital for 2 days with a 2 week recovery at home. Worst case scenario he has to open me up with a very large incision along the bottom of my left rib cage and remove the adrenal gland, kidney, spleen and pancreas tail with some possible repair to my abdominal aorta. This would mean 2 weeks in the hospital and 3-4 months to recover at home. Anything in between could happen as well.  

I sat with the surgeon telling us his surgeries were being scheduled out into July and that he needed to coordinate with two other surgeons to help him. That felt like an awfully long time to wait. Then, he said one of the surgeons had a cancellation on 5/26, he checked his calendar and said he was able to make it work before clinics that day. 

The doctor stepped out for a minute and I told Billy we had to forget what that gyn onc said and remember how we felt before we arrived. I felt like GOD had been saying “Do this Kristi, and be excited about it”!

Billy told the doctor we always just do the best treatment option at the time and trust God and it’s turned out okay this far.  The surgeon/doctor agreed that you never know the future. 

Surgery will be 2 weeks from today, 5/26. 

Pray that science is wrong and as I reach out and touch the garment of Jesus, He says”Daughter, your faith has made you well”. 

Goodbye cancer.

Alone with my Savior

I could have done laundry or dishes or swept the floor, but what I needed was some alone time with Jesus. Some time to enjoy God’s creation while filling up on Biblical truths and promises. I’m filled up with His goodness and ready to go into a week of life with cancer. 

Monday, tomorrow, is my Pet scan and I’ll see doctors on the 5th, 9th & 11th to get a solid plan. 

Mixed in with that I’ll do my best to be a wife, a mom, a daughter and sister,  an Aunt, a friend, a homemaker, a student of the Word and work on our family business. 

Cancer and any disease or lifelong condition steals so much time, along with mental and physical energy. 

That’s why I’ve learned it’s okay to skip the chore and instead sit with my Savior. I can’t do it alone, and thankfully I have my Savior (and my husband)! 

🌅 

#godisbigger  #prayerswelcome

Answered prayer

Thanks for joining us in prayer as we wait once again! God heard our prayers and it is not the super aggressive adrenal cancer. Thank you Jesus! 

It is my same metastatic cancer for the most part. A few changes that may just be showing up because it has lived through radiation. Or the cancer can change as it tries to avoid the treatment that has been working. This is the same as new variants develop of Covid or the flu, etc. 

Next steps are still not clear. One oncologist wants me to get a pet scan a make sure there are no other active cancer spots. Another oncologist wants me to see my Gyn-Onc for their input. Many things are moving and lots of smart people are looking at my case, but surgery is a serious matter for my body to endure. I’m thankful everyone is considering all options and possible outcomes, but that means no clear direction yet. Please keep praying for wisdom and direction that gives healing and quality of life. God is certainly capable of this if He so chooses. 

God bless. ✝️💜

Cancer and the waiting

My urology oncologist called late yesterday and as we’re learning, he explained all the moving parts and thought processes to us so well. Billy and I really appreciate this. He had been talking about my case with a Dr Patel at the OU Cancer Center in Oklahoma City. Dr Patel believes that he can do the surgery and remove the adrenal gland, tumor and only scrape the top of the kidney to remove some radiation scarring attaching the adrenal and kidney together. This is great news for my kidney function and opportunity for open treatments going forward. However, they cannot tell until they go in for surgery if the pancreas tail and the spleen are attached due to radiation scarring as well. They would make the decision to remove these parts while in surgery. 

Before we can take the next step with surgery Dr Patel will receive my full chart to review more throughly. Also, I will have a CT guided biospy to ensure we know exactly what we are dealing with. Is this the original malignant cancer or adrenal cancer or an adrenal adenoma. My doctors expect it to come back as the original malignancy cancer, meaning vaginal adenocarcinoma that moved to the adrenal gland. I’m skeptical because I don’t understand why the radiation has worked everywhere else on my body, but this did not work. It may be a mystery that is never solved. Regardless, the normal treatment for any of these is to surgically resect the area. 

I’m going to do blood work this afternoon to confirm I’m still safe to do the adrenal biopsy. After the biopsy results we will talk to Dr Patel in OKC and schedule next steps. 

Pray for my physical safety and for wisdom and forward thinking for the doctors. Also for my family’s peace in the unknown and waiting.

Fear, Power, Love and a Sound Mind

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ~ 2Timothy 1:7

Last Thursday Billy & I met with my new Urology Oncologist and I’ve been wrestling with our discussion ever since. A wrestling match that goes on and on is tiring ya’ll! Just as I began to feel my most tired, God whispered this verse in 2nd Timothy to me. 

Answers were still not solid last week. So, tomorrow my doctor will call me at the end of his day to tell me what the recommendation is after discussing with a few other doctors. 

As I wait I am reminded that God didn’t give me, or want me to live with, a spirit of fear. Do you know fear is mentioned in the Bible once for every day of the year? God knew we would be afraid at times, but here we are reminded instead to have a spirit of power, love and a sound mind. 

I am going into tomorrow’s conversations and decisions with this in mind. 

Lastly, remember this Sunday school song? 

Ok God, lead me. I will follow. 

#spiritoffear

#donotfear #donotbeafraid 

#spiritofpower #spiritoflove #spiritofasoundmind #faithoverfear #havecourage #bestrong 

Covid update & Oncology appointments

Today marks 2 weeks since my Covid symptoms began and I am finally functioning, albeit with very low energy a slow pace. Billy was doing pretty well a week ago, so it definitely hit me harder. 

I was supposed to go see the new urology oncologist  and the wound specialist on the 17th but couldn’t with Covid. So we rescheduled for yesterday and they were closed because of the sleet and ice. Now I will go next Thursday on 3/3. 

I’m anxious for these appointments not only because I need some help with my unhealing wound and growing adrenal gland, but because it’s a new oncologist and unknowns. I haven’t had to see a new oncologist since 2015 and at least we thought we knew what we were dealing with. Now, we don’t and I am definitely symptomatic. 

Please be in prayer that this is not life shattering news and that God will provide the very best plan so that I can continue to live here on earth serving him however I can. 

“We have this hope as an anchor for our lives, safe and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

What’s going on now

I’ve never considered myself a worrier. God created me to have an optimistic spirit. I didn’t realize this so much until I had a family of my own and I could see the difference of my “it will all be okay” outlook compared to some others. Sometimes I wondered if something was wrong with me that I wasn’t as worried as others. Fast forward many years and I’ve also learned one of my spiritual gifts is faith. Don’t get me wrong, I wrestle things out with God a lot, but in the end I can settle on solid ground as a believer. I thank God for this gift only He has given me and only He protects it. 

I share these thoughts as I am wrestling now with many things in my professional and personal worlds, both. It seems my timing and God’s timing are not the same; yet I know I heard Him clearly when He said Yes. Have you experienced this? You sought guidance and wisdom from the Lord, felt clear on the answer, step out in faith and then wait…and wait…and wait! 

My dad said the night I was diagnosed with cancer, 11/15/2010, he went outside concerned that he hadn’t heard from us yet and tried to pray  that I didn’t have cancer, but the words fell flat. So he said, okay God, Kristi has cancer, so please help her and heal her. Instantly he felt God say, Kristi will be ok. 

Many years later my sister, Katy, sat on a bench pleading with God to heal me when she felt God say, Kristi will be ok.  

About 15 months ago During a Covid Sunday morning I watched church on tv. The pastor was talking about the Israelites wandering in the dessert, suffering and lost. And then God said to them that they had wandered long enough and He would deliver them to the promised land. (Duet.2:3) After punishing Israel with 4 years of locust eaten harvests, God showed mercy and promised to restore the years the locust had eaten! His people began to experience bumper harvests. (Joel 2:24-26) I felt this wash over me in a way that felt like God said, Kristi I’m going to deliver you and restore these years lost to you. I have claimed that promise ever since. 

Yet here I am laying in bed sick with Covid 19. Billy and I both came down with it last weekend and only out of sheer stubbornness I didn’t go to the hospital with 103.3 fever on ib profin. As my fever wreaked havoc on my body and mind I suffered physically and mentally. All sorts of hard memories and images kept coming to my mind and as soon as I would pray one away, another came. I wrestled with grief and regret, shame and loss, reliving pain both emotionally and physically. I couldn’t shake it and I suffered. I thought of Job and how his friends gave him bad advice while he was weak and suffering and how God rewarded Job for not listening and continuing to wrestle out his suffering with the God he believed in; and praying for his friends. (Job 42) Billy was less sick and bless him, he would drag himself up to take care of me and bring me meds and ice packs, rub my aching hips and shoulders. He would ask what else he could do and I just said, I don’t know, I’m just suffering. I worried him as I begin to recite Psalm 91 aloud to call on the Lord for help with scripture. 

I’m fever free for a couple days and my wits are coming back to me and I’m replaying this in my mind and I’ve been thanking God for giving me a positive “it will be okay” attitude, along with a determined faith. Without it I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through all the things this life has brought me this far, or what is still to come. Some sufferings you know and some I may share at another time if God leads me there. 

I was able to receive the newest Pfizer anti viral medication for high risk patients along with many other medicines to get me through Covid. I was vaccinated and if that helped me at all, I know I would have ended up in the hospital without it. Billy and I are on the mend thank God as we’ve seen so many we know lose their lives to Covid or the impact it had on their prior health issues. 

God created us to live the life He has given us. I wouldn’t choose to live in suffering, and although I am facing more unknowns with my cancer as soon as I’m over Covid, I know this same God who has carried me through all those hard memories I saw in my fever-ridden mind will continue. I am not sure how, but God has said I’ll be ok. We even believe Him to mean here on earth, not only in Heaven. How glorious that will be one day!  My choice is to believe. Do you?