Post radiation scans

In the life of a cancer patient, especially a stage 4 metastatic cancer patient, scans roll around way too often. It is time for mine again this week. I’ll have a 2 hour MRI and a CT scan on Monday followed by a 1 hour MRI and an Oncologist appointment on Wednesday. 

I feel pretty at peace about these scans. I am just dreading the pre-meds before my CT and laying in the MRI machine for two hours. My prayer is that God continues to sustain my life and that if it’s His will, He will allow me to be in remission. 

I honestly have so many things on my mind lately that I sometimes don’t even allow myself to think about my scans much, let alone pray about them. For example, I am thinking about my son moving back to college soon, Chris & Brittany transitioning to life working and going to school this fall with a baby, our daughter suffering through some very trying times of her own, plus Billy & I working toward our dream of owning a wedding and event venue opening early 2022. 

Just like many of you, our life can sometimes feel overwhelming. Recently I have been working to write down things, big or small, that I am thankful for. This helps me keep my perspective when I am burdened, worried, disgruntled or impatient. I especially get impatient waiting on God to show up and help me or the people I care about. I hate to know other people ate suffering and God could help them. Do you ever feel that way? Like, where is God in this or that situation?  Why is he taking so long to intervene? 

Recently my sister sent me a screenshot of a writing that describes three levels of faith. The first being when we can see and feel proof to help us believe. The second is when we feel it, but can’t see it. The third is when we see and feel no evidence that God is working and present in our situation. I am reminded that my faith is not based on my feelings or the evidence I can see (i .e. scan reports, my peace of mind or lack thereof); but my faith is based on my choice to believe that ALL of the Bible is true. 

During one of Rick Warren’s Healing Choices’ podcasts recently he said, “If we don’t care enough to pray for something more than once or twice it is not really that important to us; not a desire of our hearts”. 

Well God, I and many others have been praying that I be healed from this cancer for many years. I am patiently (sometimes impatiently) waiting for your perfect timing to heal me in this life or the next, but regardless, I have faith that day will come and I’ll be ready. I have faith that God wants to give me the desires of my heart. He wants my husband and children to have the desires of their hearts too. He wants this for you as well. 

Let’s challenge each other to pray repeatedly asking God for what we need and want, choosing to believe that He hears us and loves us even when we don’t see or feel it. 

One of my Mom’s favorite verses is Psalm 37:3-4, “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”