One month ago today I finished my treatment plan. I'm sorry if it seems I finished and then just stopped communicating. I've wanted to share how things are going, but every time I begin to write the words just aren't there. Physically I am healing more every day. My legs were so weak for the first couple of weeks I could hardly make myself get out of bed and leave my bedroom. My mind was fuzzy and overall I didn't feel good. Now I feel more like myself every day and am able to go through a fairly normal daily routine. I think this is partly what feels difficult. It feels so odd to have my life, and many other's lives, revolve around doctor's appointments, treatments, hospital visits and then suddenly it is just over. The physical hurdle is behind me, but there seems to be an emotional hurdle that I have to deal with.
I feel so much gratitude to my Savior as He held me close for 5 1/2 months and gave me the strength and peace I've been able to carry most of the time. I'm grateful to my husband who has held our life together and provided as much normal as possible for our children. I'm grateful to so many who have given us the gift of prayer along the way; and to those of you who have helped with practical things like meals, gas cards, cash, child-care, housekeeping, groceries and paper goods. I know without a doubt this process was much easier because you were willing to sacrifice and help us get through it. So when I start to feel frustrated, impatient or discouraged I've realized it is because there is no closure. Perhaps this is an odd way to feel after going through so much and being on this side feeling pretty good, but I've realized I'm just waiting to hear "You are cancer free!" These words will help bring closure to all of this in a way that allows me to celebrate and get over this mental hurdle!
I go back to Oklahoma City this Wednesday to meet with my Rad-Onc and Gyn-Onc there. They previously told me that I would need to wait at least two months for the inflammation in my body to go away. If there is inflammation the scan could show a false positive for cancer. I know that my body isn't healed yet because of many little symptoms I deal with each day, but hopefully they'll give me a better idea of how things are going this week. I'll update more after this appointment, but in the mean time wanted to let you know I'm doing better every day and greatly appreciate all your notes and cards asking about us.