Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Harder Than I Thought

This afternoon I will go for my 3rd round of chemo. Oh, how I hate the sound of that.  The first week was hard because of nausea and the sudden change from feeling healthy and strong to immediate full-time waves of sickness.  The second week they added some steroids for days 2, 3 & 4 to help with the nausea, which did work, but how I ached to sleep and couldn't.  My body couldn't relax on those steroids and the new addition of Avastin, which causes muscle pain and fatigue....literally.  I expected to be functioning at a decent level this last week, but instead I spent hours in bed on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  It is hard to describe, but I could feel where my muscles were and they literally felt heavy to carry around and move.  Nausea became a secondary complaint this week. 

As for my personality, my plan was not to be knocked down by this treatment;  especially so early. I have a big event to pull off this Saturday through my small events company.  My family is going to be a big help in making this happen.  As usual they have my back when I need it and I treasure them so much for the sacrifices they make.

Last Saturday I was laying in my bed feeling sad that I'd had to cancel a movie date with my daughter because I was too fatigued to do it. Her disappointment was evident, as was my husbands and my sons over various things that day.  It was a stark realization for all of us that we are moving backwards in my health once again.  I had to accept that this is harder than I thought it would be. It is not just myself that is tired of this on-going cancer journey, but my whole family and all who support us are tired.  Every Wednesday comes around way to fast. 

Please pray with us that God will wrap his arms around us, helping and protecting us in these areas.

1. Minimal side effects this week (only 1 chemo) and that I would feel good to work my event this Friday and Saturday. That the event would go smoothly!
2.  Safety for Billy as he travels to his 20 year reunion.  For our hearts as I cannot travel with him and we both wish I could.
3.  For the chemo and Avastin to be working, shrinking and eliminating the tumors in my lungs.
4.  That we would be patient as our life is interrupted once again.  That we should extend grace to each other when it feels hard or we are coping differently.
5.  That there is a clinical trial approved that would be the cure against the KRAS cancer growth gene.
6.  That God would be gentle with us, providing greatly as we add to our medical expense debt.
7.  Thank God for the people he has put in our lives to encourage us, help us, and pray for us during this ongoing battle.
8.  Thank God for giving us the Holy Bible so that we can hear from Him regularly and worship in the midst of pain.

When times get so difficult and we wonder why God is allowing this to happen, I find it so imperative to go back and look at how the Lord has never left us and carried us to where we are today.  In remembrance of the goodness and greatness of our Savior I want to share our "cancer verses" that we claimed back in 2012 after my first reoccurrence and miracle in Houston.  (See 2012 Post Here

"In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
 May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
 May He send you help from His sanctuary and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
 May He remember all your gifts and look favorably on your burnt offerings.
 May He grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed.
 May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
 and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
 May the Lord answer all your prayers."  Psalms 20:1-5

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