A New Year

After a wonderful December celebrating and looking forward to Christmas, I find my mind now wandering toward January. It wasn't always this way, but now January means more scans, appointments and another trip to Houston. New deductibles to be paid. New results that direct the next 3 months of my future. A new twelve months filled with unknowns for our family. Will I get a year without facing more treatment? Will we get to buy a house of our own this year? Will I even live for another full year?

I don't mean to sound so downhearted; just honest. My head remembers the path to hope and peace, courage and joy, yet sometimes sweat and tears are required for my heart to catch up. Eventually my soul will join the two and then....I find laughter and smiles, hugs and contentment once again.
Please be in prayer for scans that are stable with no treatment necessary.

Making the Most of This Time

Ephesians 5:16 reminds us to make the most of our time because tomorrow is evil! 

I've put my wig away in a box and been busy seizing the day! 

I feel SO much better with my blood counts pretty close to normal. I've been gathering with family and friends, attending Christmas parades and parties, even a spontaneous fishing adventure in Oklahoma. Isaiah has entertained us with lots of football and basketball. Alyssa keeps us running with cheer and tumbling. 

I am grateful for these moments that will outlive what tomorrow could bring. 

May you seize the day in some big or small way today as well!

Patience is a virtue!

One thing I've been told over and over in my cancer journey is to be patient with myself.  That rest heals the body. Healing takes time. Energy doesn't return overnight. I pass this advice on to others because it has helped me. It helps me to give myself permission to rest, to say no, to ask for help.

Once off chemo about two weeks, I traveled to NW Colorado for my grandpa's funeral. Grandpa was 89 years old and had such a wonderful military ceremony surrounded by the mountains and colors of Fall.  It was a gift to be able to travel and be there for a week. I returned home very fatigued and slept for a couple days, but the energy did not return.  I ended up in the hospital for a partial bowel blockage and an infection.  After being in the hospital for 2 nights I returned home thinking I'd go back to how I was feeling in Colorado.  Wrong! It took me a full week to feel like I could quit sleeping 18 hours a day.  Thank goodness it was just in time for my son's 8th grade football game and all the Halloween madness.  I got so excited to participate again that I ended up in bed sleeping it off....again.

Patience is a virtue!

We've all heard this saying, but what does it really mean?

I think it's used here as an idiom. I know this only because my 4th grade daughter is learning about these at school right now.  Hence, I am learning to be as smart as a 4th grader as well!  With my newfound knowledge I quickly googled this and this idiom means......to make a virtue of necessity, to make the best of a difficult or unsatisfactory situation.

That seems to be a perfect fit.

To me, the lack of energy is definitely an unsatisfactory situation. So....today I'm praying that I can make patience a virtue out of necessity, but also that my energy will be the lasting type...real soon!

Results

Well, not terrible news, not great news. Doctor Said I can have a break and come back for scans in January. But no change in nodules this time. I was bummed they didn't shrink at all after 9 more weeks of chemo. No cancer anywhere else in the body either though, so that's good news. Said the nodules could be dead and still showing, but too small for pet scan to show the "glow" of being active or not right now. He said I can choose to continue treatment, or be done until January and see what happens. Or just do avastin (doesn't allow new blood vessel growth) but he just did that with a patient and there was no change. I think I choose a break and go back in January. I ask him about the growth patterns of my cancer and he said the risk of it spreading to where there is nothing they can do between now and January is slim. Because of side effects he agrees a break for the holidays sounds right. Reminded me we are doing this to prolong life, not a cure right now so a quality of life break is a good idea. If growth again in January I will begin chemo again, but if no growth I can continue a break I assume. We are processing this news and believe your prayers are really helping us face it in the most positive way. I'm sure I'll have harder days, but today I feel more hopeful than afraid or discouraged. I know that the ability to find hope and even joy in the midst of this trial is from God alone. I was reminded that this is not about God giving me strength. It is about His strength in me. Thank goodness it's not about me at all. 

We will continue to pray that there is no evidence of disease in the January scans. (No new spots, no growth of current spots). We will pray against fear and discouragement as we wait and my body begins to rebuild after chemo effects. We will praise Him for this time of no treatment needed!  Thank you once again for walking beside us and sometimes carrying us. 💜

All Done for Today.

Pray at 5:30!

Friends, we are safely at MD Anderson in Houston and asking for prayers for clear scans at 5:30 today! 

Remember this blog post?  Pray Deuteronomy with us! 💜

Thanks for prayers!

Thank you for the specific prayers I requested a week or so ago. I go back this morning to get a permanent crown placed on my tooth post root-canal. 

My ostomy pain has healed and my reconstruction area is much improved, though that is a chronic problem until God miraculously heals it more correctly. 

I had what I hope to be my last treatment on Wednesday though I don't feel like I can celebrate until after my scans at MDA in Houston next week! We did have some "purple fun" though! Katy got a bit queezy as they had trouble with my port! I almost had to call out "Caregiver Down"! 

22 Weeks, 19 treatments done!