We Weep For Our Loss & Celebrate Mom's Gain

Last night I leaned over the bathroom sink ringing out the dress that my mom wore to her 50^th anniversary party last November. Hitting that monumental milestone was one of the most supreme accomplishments of mom’s life and she was so worried Dad was going to do something crazy and not be there to celebrate it. A few days before their anniversary Dad was invited to go to work with my brother and visit a buffalo ranch. Mom said, “George C, don’t get yourself killed messing with those buffalo. I want to make it to our 50^th!” They did it and mom said over and over that she was so blessed to have all these years with her honey she’d picked out on the school bus in 6^th grade.

Memories flood my mind as my tears blend into mom’s dress. This is the last dress we will see mom in now that she’s gone to her forever home with Jesus. We only got four short months to care for mom before cancer ravaged her body and God called her home, saving her from her suffering.

Our precious mother died at sunrise on June 10, 2018 at the age of 68.  Mom always liked the dawn of morning, hence my middle name “Dawn”. I bet it was a gorgeous sunrise view as our mom entered Heaven.

Mom’s funeral will be held this Friday at 10:30 AM at The Fairfield Center,  200 Maine St.,  Meeker, CO 81641. The funeral home is Grant’s Mortuary. 

Thank you for keeping our family in your prayers as we celebrate mom’s life and grieve the forever hole left in our hearts.  We weep for our loss, but celebrate mom’s gain.

Mom, I've missed you a thousand times already. Your husband aches deep in his bones for you. Boy did Dad love you! We can't wait to have a cup of tea with you over a long chat again one day.

A note from a granddaughter:
Four months is way too little for my Grammy! No one was ready for her to go, yet she is no longer suffering through all of this tough cancer but singing and living her best life up in heaven with god! She is such an inspiration to all of us and we will never really be ready to say goodbye! ~ Written by Alyssa Rose Wright

Treatment 1 done, so now I’m with momma

Yesterday went by super fast and all went well! 

I had part of my entourage to support me as I took my first doses of clinical trial meds! No side effects or reactions, praise the Lord! I was so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open tho and fell asleep until evening when I had to pick Alyssa up from a pool party and come home to pack for a trip to see my momma! The doctor and clinical trial nurse said I could come, so Alyssa and I didn’t waste any time and we are already happily in the mountain air! 

As much as I praise God for feeling good and able to come here today, my heart breaks for my mom is is suffering and struggling so much.  It is very hard to see her so frail and needy. She has by far NEVER been a needy mom, so this is new territory for all of us. 

THANK YOU for praying for me yesterday! Keep praying the side effects away and for moms cancer to die and her to be able to eat and grow stronger. 

My faithful friend and husband.

Mom needs a big assortment to choose from as she works to get preotein and calories! 

And.... I cannot forget to wish our little miracle baby a happy happy 6th birthday today! My miracle in 2012 put my sister, Katy, right into labor with sweet Caden. 

Love you Caden! 

Dear Lord, Is Asking For Three Miracles Selfish?

Psalm 126:4-6 The Message (MSG)

And now, God, do it again—

    bring rains to our drought-stricken lives

So those who planted their crops in despair

    will shout hurrahs at the harvest,

So those who went off with heavy hearts

    will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

I cannot believe that Isaiah and Alyssa, along with my niece and nephew, Kacey and Breck, were this tiny when God gave me a true miracle on June 05, 2012.
You can read more about this miracle by clicking here.

Now, on this same day, June 5th, six years later I am begging God to grant me two more miracles!
I would think this selfish, but over my life I have seen how far and deep and wide my God's love is for me.  This understanding has only come through the suffering. 

I begin a new chapter of my cancer journey today and it is intertwined with my past - in both joys and sufferings. I believe ALL things happen for a purpose and are part of God's plan to draw us nearer to Him, to bring Him glory by revealing his character and to populate the kingdom of Heaven.

With this in mind, here are several things that are no coincidence.

1. My mom is battling for her life against Multiple Myeloma in Colorado.
2. I got to be there when Mom was diagnosed and fight for her like she fought for me.
3. I am getting the first hand experience of a caregiver, just as I have the experience of being the patient. Both require a ton of intentional dependence on God. 
4. Mom's oncologist helped me find the clinical trial I've been needing for years.
5. My local oncologist was willing to bring this trial into NWA just for me - and hopefully others going forward, now that its open and active here. #beyondthankful
6. I was barely able to get into this trial before the deadline of a temporary closing to new patients. I got enrolled on the eve of the very last day, only by finding a loop hole.
7. I will begin my trial today - God willing - on June 5, 2018 - my miracle day.
8. I was up most of the night not feeling well, with plenty of time to talk to God and hear Him say - go write about this.
9. God has sustained my life since I was diagnosed with Primary Vaginal Adenocarcinoma November 2010. I am still here for a purpose. 
10. I need a miracle today and my mom needs a miracle today as well. We need these latest treatments to work, killing metastatic cancer cells for both of us.

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
WILL find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord;
He ALONE is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I trust Him.
For He will rescue [Patsy & Kristina] from EVERY trap
and protect [Patsy & Kristina] from deadly disease.
Psalms 91:1-3

Please join us in asking for two more miracles today!
God please allow me to get to start my trial today even thought I am not feeling well.
Please allow this trial to kill all cancer cells and leave me with NED (no evidence of disease).
Please protect me from any and all side effects so that I may live fully even while having treatment.
Please heal my momma. Kill off all her cancer. Speak personally to her so that she may feel your presence today as she suffers and perseveres for you Glory. We claim truth that although a thousand fall at [our] side and ten thousand are dying around [us] these evils will not touch us. (Ps 91:7)

Thank you for continuing on this journey with our family as we love and support and give lots of grace to each other, with the expectant hope of the Lord's healing! 

Today’s Prayer Requests

We have a couple prayer requests this morning. 

My mom had an extremely hard week last week causing her to have a 3 night stay in the hospital. She’s home now and much better, but they are considering changing her treatment plan. Please be in prayer for wisdom in this decision.  Pray that God will heal mom’s lungs from any treatment damage and cancer damage that has been caused. Pray that she will be at peace. 

I am waiting to hear if Dr Beck is able to get a clinical trial for rare cancers approved for our SWOG local treatment facility in Fayetteville through Highlands Onc.  SWOG stands for SW ONCOLOGY GROUP.  They have created a trial to help those of us that combined represent 30% of all cancer. I love that they took the initiative to see that rare cancer is falling through the cracks for study and advancement in treatment, so combining us all gives a large enough study group/cohort to justify approval. Please pray that this trial will get approved here locally and that I will be a candidate. I have an appointment in two weeks as we all hope it will be ready to go at that time. It is the newest immunotherapy which would be just what I have hoped for! 

Thanks for being our prayer warriors! 

Pictures Speak Louder Than Words

George & Patricia                   Billy & Kristina 

Denver 2018                            Houston 2012

Patricia being taken by ambulance from Meeker to Glenwood Springs. Feb 2018.

Kristina taken by ambulance from Springdale to Houston. April 2013. 

My Grandma Bessie (Mom’s Mom) coming to the hospital for us.

This family continues to amaze me with their immediate & continuous support! In less than 24 hours after hearing the initial news that our Mom, Patricia, has a non-curable, but treatable cancer called multiple myeloma, spouses and kids had already selflessly sent all my siblings to Colorado to be with Dad, Mom & I at the hospital. 

What a treasured opportunity to have experienced this sacrificial love personally. Now to give it back to my mom leaves me without words. 

How grateful I am to get to help my parents after all they’ve helped me! 

Another cancer journey. 

And we are still for each other and for His glory! 

  Team Kristi.                        Team Patricia

     Purple                                 Burgundy 

         &                                           &

Green (Hope)                    Yellow (Optimistic Joy)

A Kingdom Focused Mind

Yesterday I was driving down a familiar and busy road very focused on myself.  Honestly, I was just in my head thinking about my health, my feelings, my abilities, my needs. Me, me and more me. I broke away from my thoughts just as I noticed 4 people standing in the turning lane.  Cars were parked on all sides of them, but I could see no evidence of an accident. I crept my car forward and more details came into sight so I could see there was a man laying on his side in the road. Oh my goodness, where did this man come from, I thought to myself.  Did someone hit a pedestrian? Traffic inched forward and I began to pray that God would somehow help the man on the ground. He never moved, and I felt so afraid for him.  I prayed that the ambulance would come soon. I prayed for his family who had no idea he was laying in the middle of this busy road with strangers at his side. Finally I could see his bleeding head where he hit the pavement and his motorcycle laying on its side in the left lane. I had to look away and move on with traffic as there were plenty of people circling him at this point.  I could hear and see the ambulance making its way up the hill.  People on down the road were oblivious to what had happened and a few didn't notice or hear the sirens, blocking the path of the help so needed just a few city blocks away.  I wanted to roll down my window and yell at them to move their car over and help save a man's life! Don't worry, I refrained, but I did make a mental note to do better at moving quickly for emergency vehicles. Around the next corner I saw a fire truck and then came a policeman.  With each emergency vehicle, I found myself thinking of what I just saw and whispering a prayer on the man's behalf. My mind had completely been taken over and all I thought about was asking God to help this man and the first responders on their way.

I don't know how this man's story ended, but I do know that because of his accident, my thoughts moved from inward and self, to outward and God.

Isn't this so easy to fall prey to? I wish I didn't require so many reminders to keep a Kingdom focused mind. You see, I was on my way to my oncologist appointment for a touch base about my "life with cancer" and a possible clinical trial.  You would think, after all I've seen God do in my life I would be focused on Him and talking to Him on the way to this appointment, but until a devastating accident gave me a wake up call I was just anxiously focused on myself. 

When our mind is mostly focused on our own needs and abilities and wishes, we become more consumed with the world than with the God who created it. For example, if I repeatedly think about how nervous I am, then my mind and body become ruled by my fear.  Yet, if I repeatedly force my mind to think about how God is bigger than what I'm afraid of and how God's character is one of peace and comfort, continual help and strength; it is then that my mind and body is overcome with the power of the almighty so that He can rule over my fear! What takes over our thoughts takes control of our life.

Isaiah 26:3
 ~ You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You.

2 Corinthians 10:5
~We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the
  knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient
  to Christ.

John MacArthur
~The more you focus on yourself, the more distracted you will be from the proper path.
  The more you know Him and commune with Him, the more the Spirit will make you
  like Him. The more you are like Him, the better you will understand His utter sufficiency
  for all of life’s difficulties. And that is the only way to know real satisfaction.
Psalm 91:14-15 ~Because he has focused his love on me, I will deliver him. I will protect him because
  he knows my name. When he calls out to me, I will answer him. I will be with him in
  his distress. I will deliver him, and I will honor him.
This was the most important thing about my day yesterday, but I did find out that the clinical trial is not open for me yet.  My doctor does not know when it will be open.  Otherwise, my lung sound clear and strong.  My heart is strong. My blood work and vitals are all great. Thank you for joining us in continued prayer and belief that God is sustaining my life for His bigger purposes, serving his Kingdom.  ~ Blessings, Kristi

Preserving Life

My comfort in my suffering is this, 

Your promise preserves my life.

Psalm 119:50

With long suffering usually comes a weariness that can lead to discouragement and even fear. Perhaps, as in my case, a fear that this struggle may never end. That the pain will never go away this side of Heaven. That plans and dreams will never be reality, and that things will never be normal. 

The power of the mind is a crazy thing. It can take us from a high one minute to a low the next. Sometimes we must choose to push our thoughts to focus on positivity and truth. 

In my case, when a complete lack of energy and motivation, combined with pain , lingers on for a coupe weeks, I begin to sense the fear and discouragement wedging its way in. My mind begins to run wild with all the doubt saying, this is it! This is what you’ve feared would happen. 

Yet, I force my mind to think back to truth. It starts by just saying the name of the Almighty! 

My God, my God, where are you? I’m so scared and weary. I need you. Please help me in my suffering. Please heal me and make me well. 

As I surrender my suffering and my need to God, truth begins to break through the fog. 

“Many are saying of me, God will not deliver him (her, in my case), but you Lord , are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord and he answers me from His holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side!” Ps. 3:2-6

Truth, it settles, and I can ask; “I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.” Ps. 119:25 

Thank you, Lord, for hearing my cries. And helping me. “My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promise preserves my life.” Ps 119:50

As my random fevers, dry cough,  fatigue and pain continued on this last week it became hard. It became scary and discouraging. Yet, just as we are ready to make panicked dr appointments, I begin to feel some better. Energy and mental focus return. Just enough to wait another day, and then another, until I found myself “better”! 

My blood cultures have now returned with no additional bacteria. It’s a miraculous thing how the body can recover, even when already compromised. I have a bit of cough holding on, but I am so encouraged! 

Thank you for praying with me. For believing when I felt weak. Please continue to pray for wisdom as we see our local oncologist in November and consider other trips to search for clinical trials and a Stage 4 cure. 

I believe it can happen! I believe that God sustains me until that day comes. I believe that God wants to give me life abundant this side of Heaven! 

“So I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” (Heb. 12:2) because “You (Jesus) will keep him (her) in perfect peace, those whose minds are stayed on you”. (Is. 26:3)