Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Thoughts from Katy

For those of you that haven't read Katy's update on Facebook, here it is.......

Last night I was driving home from caring for Kristi and her kids and I felt teary. It was a mixture of sad and happy tears. I was happy because she has these tiny little improvements that are so exciting. Such reason for praise! Last night she did NOT throw up!!!! PTL! I'm grateful to see her occasionally walk off without her walker even for just a few steps or see her brush her teeth at the sink. It's still a praise to see her sit up on her own or stand up on her own. She rolls to the side and then pushes herself up with her arm and walla she's sitting up! (the things we take for granted!) We can sit around stuffing our face with food we don't even need to be eating, we may not even be hungry and we don't have to think about every little thing we eat. We don't realize this is someone else's lifeline to getting better. She has to be extremely conscious to what she eats, when she eats, and how much she eats a day. Eating is so hard for her. She has to force herself to do it most of the time but she does it and doesn't complain. She doesn't complain about much at all actually. You only know when she's feeling bad usually by her appearance or the shakiness in her body. Or the fact that caring for her so much you've learned her cues for "I don't feel good"! This is the part I can't even get through without tears rushing into my eyes. I never thought I would be taking care of my big sister. I've always called her, asked her, leaned on her, cried to her but now I find myself being the 'big' sister. I think that's why her sitting up or brushing her teeth is so impactful. It wasn't too many days ago it still took us two to three people to help her sit up and swing her legs around because she couldn't even lift them herself. Or bringing her water and a toothbrush to bed because she was too weary to make it to the sink. Just the act of brushing her teeth was all the energy she had. Some things are heart breaking but this journey has been heart wrenching. The things she has been through in the past 2 1/2 years are unthinkable. I never imagined some of them even possible. But she's done them...she's walked this walk and held her Heavenly Father's hand the whole time. Even when she wondered where He was at times she/we knew He was there. That is a promise God gives us that we can only hope through this journey everyone can come to know. In Him we have HOPE and that has sustained us through many days.

This has been such a humbling experience for everyone involved but especially for our sweet Kristina. How sweet she is and what a blessing to so many. So many times people ask how does she manage with this or that or get through certain things...I have one answer GOD! He gives us such grace and mercy. I have definitely learned especially through all of this infection and feeling discouraged through this Cancer Journey what it's like to trust and have faith in Him. I can say there are days that I have felt my whole being grasping at that "mustard seed" of Faith. He says that's all we need and it's the truth!

I started this post just to tell that Kristi didn't throw up last night and look where it went!!!! I was so happy that she didn't get sick because it's so hard on her. She did go back to taking a whole anti nausea pill that makes her restlessness and jitters worse. So it's a trade off. Either take half that pill and have less restlessness (which can be severe) and feel nauseated or the whole pill and less nausea and more jitters. ugh. BUT you can find a praise in almost anything nowadays! thank you for praying and please continue to do so! It's helping!

Think about the things you take for granted today and look for reasons to be thankful. My son (3 1/2 years) told me his Apple was "beautiful" today and I thought when was the last time I found beauty in something like that! He looked it all over before eating it as if it were the most amazing thing he's ever seen! He also told me a few days ago while riding his bike he softly said "This is wonderful Mom. This is a Wonderful life"!!!!!! Whaaaaat!?!?! What a smart little fella. It makes you stop and think....slow down, be grateful, look for the little things...and enjoy life! It's "wonderful!!!" We are surrounded with little gifts and beauty every day. Let's try to look at it through a child's eyes!


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