The Anchor of Our Soul

Hope is an anchor of our soul, both sure and steadfast, according to Hebrews 6:19.  If a boat floats on the water not anchored, what happens? It is pushed every which way the waves and wind wants to blow it.  It has nothing to steady it.  Nothing to keep it on course for its destination.  Nothing keeping it safe from attack and destruction. This is just like us.  As the world blows in one hard storm after another, if we are not anchored to something sure and steadfast, we'll be tossed about until we are lost, or worse yet, destroyed.  

What is your soul anchored to?  

Two years ago at the beginning of the covid pandemic of 2020, I was watching church on TV one day and the pastor was talking about how God told the Isrealites they had wandered long enough in the desert. They'd been wandering lost for 38 years.  I was certain that this was a message straight to my heart from God that my time had come to leave the desert and I'd get to see the promised land where God would restore the years the locust had eaten.  This was coming out of a year and a half of cancer spots being found because of immense pain in my body.  These spots had to be radiated for treatment and I'd been pushing through pain, sickness from treatment and doing life with our very busy family of 5.  Chris had just gotten married and we'd moved he and his bride to Arizona.  Alyssa was doing pageants and had won for Arkansas and then competed at the National level in California over Thanksgiving. She was doing school cheer and track.  Isaiah was a high school senior and we were busy enjoying all the things that come along with the lasts of Senior year, plus preparing for college. I was doing it all and loving it all, but so weary deep into my bones.  When I heard that message of leaving the desert, it spoke straight to my heart.   Oh the hope that overflowed my heart! 

Not 2 months later, we entered into one of the hardest seasons of our life as a family.  Satan wanted to destroy us.  He brought a darkness into our home that we'd never even imagined. There was no one we knew who could understand our situation.  No one who could truly help carry the burdens and fear we began to face.  The deep in your soul suffering was something I'd never experienced before. Close family couldn't help us.  The Christian community who knew didn't know how to engage and serve us.  Someday, maybe, God will ask us to share the details of this time, but for now it is enough to know that Satan wanted to see us lose our faith. He wanted us to fall facedown on the ground cursing the God we'd loved and trusted endlessly.  

Some days the darkness swallowed us up whole leaving us paralyzed in our own minds. Questioning what God was allowing and why we felt abandoned and so alone. Other times I could find no words to pray except to repeat, help us God. One summer day I decided to sit on the back porch and listen to "The Blessing" by Kari Jobe.  I could only pray as I listened to the lyrics accounting how God would turn His face toward us, be gracious to us and give us peace. (Numbers 6:24-26).  It goes on to express God's favor to our family for a thousand generations, for our children, and our children's children. ( Deuteronomy 7:9)  It reminded me that God is with me and He is for me. (Deuteronomy 31:8).  These purely sang scriptures, literally written and released in 2020, became my prayer anthem every single morning.  I would listen, meditating on the words and then pray out Satan in the power of Jesus blood.  Slowly, day by day, I felt my anchor becoming steadfast and sure again. 

How long would this continue though, Lord?  We whined and complained just like the Isrealites.  We knew nothing else to do, but to desperately grip the rope that kept us tied to the anchor of our souls.  Without this, we knew we'd drown and our family be destroyed. Our family began to take tiny steps forward in healing, understanding, foregiveness and grace.  There are still so many bruises and scrapes being tended to, but the promise stands true.  Here we are 2 years later, just like the Isrealites in their 40th year.  God says, now is the time! We can almost taste and see the promised land. Not only coming out of this unbelievably dark and painful season as a family, but also in my cancer battle.  Stay tuned for more about this because its going to blow your mind.  Never untie your anchor, friends, for it is our only hope.

Let’s Go God!

Guys, I owe you an update. I’m sorry I’ve been procrastinating! And I’ve been busy livin’! 

My doctors feel that my right adrenal, which they’ve been watching since before my last surgery, is failing me. Plus, it looks enlarged. I am currently supplementing my body’s ability to create cortisol by taking 2 pills a day. This is tricky to dose because everyone’s body is used to different amounts. AND, God made our bodies so smart to self dose as we need more or less during physical activity, stress, illness, etc. Now I must learn how to do this myself. Our adrenal glands also help us absorb and regulate storing potassium and sodium. Mine is not doing well at this so I end up low on either and this can effect my heart, hydration, energy and cravings. Oh how I’ve been craving green olives and dill pickles!  I’m now taking medication for this as well. 

Currently, we are scheduled to have my right adrenal removed in Oklahoma City on 10/19 by the same robotic surgeon that did my May surgery. This should be MUCH easier on him and me. 

After surgery we will have to really figure out medication doses as my body won’t be supplying any adrenal function, so I’ll stay in the hospital a few days to manage the medication process. 

Be praying that a cancelation will happen if I need this surgery sooner. Pray that there is no spread of cancer and all will be removed after this surgery. Pray for medication management so that I can feel good to live out the life God puts before me. 

Pray that we continue to be faithful with the story God is writing through us and that people will see His name in this and not mine/ours. 

God is in me and I am in Him. I am secure in that truth and willing to go where He leads us next! 

Just keep in mind it will be 12 years since diagnosis on November 15th! And I was blessed to turn 46 this week. Let’s go God! 🙌🏻🙏🏻💜 

God is at work!

My Dad took me to see my local oncologist, Dr Beck, yesterday and guess what Doc said?!?! 

He said, you are a miracle after miracle! ✝️💜 I believe it! He said after reading my surgery report he was glad to see me on the other side of the big surgery doing good, because we got it out in the Nick of time! Well, praise God for the feeling of urgency moving in my spirit. 

I told him I had asked the elders to pray over me and that I believe that like the woman who bled for 12 years and reached out to touch Jesus garment hem for healing, I was reaching out in that same faith. Doc smiled and said he feels he is just to be used as a tool of the Lord! Yes, Jesus! May we all just be a tool for the Lord to use  the talents, time and treasure that God has given to us. 

Currently I am feeling so much better. I haven’t taken anti nausea or Tylenol for pain in my abdomen for a couple days. God is hearing all our prayers and He is answering with yes! Please join me in remembering to thank Him for answered prayers today! 

My wound infection isn’t causing me problems at the moment so Doc doesn’t want me to be to do another round of antibiotic, but said if it reseats ugly head again he will call me in a med that is a cousin to penicillin, but I’ve tolerated it before. 

I’ll have routine scans August 2nd with results on the 4th. Praying these are clearly cancer free scans!!! 

P.s. I included this TV playing Bob Ross at my appointment yesterday because I’ve never seen that here before and Mom loved learning to paint from Bob Ross. Made dad & I feel like Mom was winking at us. 💛 🌹

Great news with a hint of doubt

I had my check up at OU OKC and everything is healing perfectly! PTL! Thank you for praying for our drive. I survived. 😉 

The doctor said two more weeks before I can carry more than a gallon of milk. Also, he said it can take months to get my body back to accepting food normally since the stomach, colon and pancreas were all impacted and aide in digestion. I am only able to eat about 1/2 cup of food at a time and very few options settle well. I’ve lost 15 pounds since surgery so he said just eat anything my stomach will accept. He suggested that I get an appointment with pain management to help with ongoing discomfort, which I’ll talk to my home health nurse about tomorrow. 

He surprised us with the pathology report of everything that was removed and it showed there was cancer in ALL areas they removed except the stomach. I was shocked! I thought most of that was removed because of radiation scarring. I’m so thankful God gave me peace and even a sense of urgency to do the surgery. 

So the pancreas, spleen, kidney and adrenal gland are all good clear margins and the cancer should be gone. The colon they couldn’t tell if the margins were good because of the way the robot removes tissue, but there was only a cluster of 20 cells that showed cancer so they are hopeful that they got it. And on my back he sent in a sample and it was cancer there also, but he burned that entire area on my back so I’m hoping I’m good, but there’s no way to tell right now. It’s too early for scans while I’m full of inflammation.  He said he feels 99.5 % sure he got everything out, but we have to lean on our faith for the other .5% as this tumor had lots of little fingers reaching out. Pray and claim it’s all actually gone with us. Although the percentage feels good, there are still unknowns, which felt overwhelming today, and the enemy would like nothing more than to discourage us in our faith, stealing our joy and peace. 

Danina reminded me of this great quote. 

“Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light”.  

I came across this while scrolling social media tonight. 

And Amy reminded me of the scripture in Isaiah 55:9-11. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
 and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.“

Lastly, I always turn to Psalm 91. 

Fall fresh on us Lord as we soak up your scripture to fight off the enemy and increase our belief. Be our refuge and our peace. - Amen

First pre op appointment

Billy is driving me to OKC for a 10:15 AM appointment with Dr Patel, the urologic oncologist and robotic surgeon. I’m dreading the ride as it still hurts my insides just to hiccup. We’re bringing my soft blanket and lots of pillows to soften the bumps in the road for me. I’m walking on my own now, but not that far, so hopefully they have a chair Billy will be able to push me in. Mainly so I don’t have as difficult end to my day when I’ve overdone it. I am expecting a good post operative check up, so just looking for some advice on timing for healing and eating more normally, plus answers on a few new side effects. Please pray that the long travel day goes ok and that I get good news and answers tomorrow. 

It’s too early for a scan so this is just basic blood work and an in office exam.  I think I may get more vaccines that require boosters after removing my spleen. 

Thanks for continued prayers, encouragement and support. Some days the recovery feels real slow and long. You all help me keep going! 

So you ask God for help…now remember to thank Him for the answer

I am thinking about how we (me, you & so many more people) have continued to ask, seek, and knock on the great power of our God to help all involved and ultimately heal me in a miraculous way! I believe that God has healed me of my disease and redeemed me to live a life bringing glory to God in all ways He provides me. 

Now, 2 weeks after surgery, I want to remind us all that  it is time to go back and thank God for doing as we ask and praise Him for the way I am healing from the big surgery I needed to endure to get to the other side of this cancer trial! 

May we never forget to go back and give thanks to the One who answers our prayers, directs us all in the best way and provides healing on earth and in Heaven.

Guess who is HOME sweet HOME

We were thrilled to hear that we could leave the hospital and make the 3 1/2 hour drive home today! 

We had a swift discharge and Billy got me loaded in the truck padded on all sides with pillows and blankets. We had a quick meet up with Billy’s Dad and step mom, Anita,  at a gas station on the way out of OKC. They came to the truck to say bye while Billy ran inside for a couple things. 

The first 2 hours of the drive went ok, but then I began to hurt a lot from all the bumps on the road. Reminded me of my TPE surgery in 2013 where every single bump is felt throughout the entire abdomen. The other thing that reminded me of my 2013 Total Pelvic Exenteration was that for the second time in my life a surgeon pointed at me and said, if anyone ever wants to do surgery in that area again, you tell them no way! 

Billy got me home as fast and gently as he could and got me to the bathroom and to bed. He ran to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions and back home to give me my dosages. Then to the grocery store to grab a few things I can eat and drink, which are few and far between right now. I’m eating small amounts of unsweetened pears and peaches. I like a small scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy. No sugar added Fruit popcicles and dragonfruit vitamin water over sonic style ice. I’m trying to think if anything else sounds good and White Basmati rice from Tazikis sounds good. Lol. My diet will be real picky and small for a while. We’ve done this before and have learned ways to sneak in protein with scrambled or hard boiled eggs and some chocolate Boost. Anyway, if someone wants to bring Billy a big juicy burger or gift cards for meaty type places I bet he’d like that. Lol. Isaiah is living in his apartment at Fayetteville and Alyssa is gone working a lot still. Im looking forward to seeing Alyssa tonight and the boys again soon though. 

For now,  I’m signing off for my first night sleeping out of the chaos of the hospital. I’ve already had the best nap ever and Billy’s started a notebook list of my many meds and dosage times. He’s a a good one. 

Thank you God for getting me through a larger surgery than we even expected, plus the first week of recovery. There were a few times all I could do was ask for help from you. You always came through. Help us to be able to manage pain well at home. Please provide safety from infection and pancreatic leaks. Help my bowels to keep moving. Use our experience of suffering to bring you glory and populate Heaven.  ~ Amen.