Clinical trial consent signed!

After having about 35 pages READ to us we SIGNED CONSENT for a clinical trial! 

After fasting all day no blood draw was required after all! Ha! Gotta roll with it or it will make us crazy!  Thankful to have my spot and be on the road to get our boy from camp!  Thx for prayers!!!!!! 

Trial update

When it's a BIG BIG DAY and your phone shows the doctor is calling an hour before your appointment......it is nerve racking! 

Thank goodness they still plan to sign me today for the clinical trial, but they won't be ready until this afternoon around 2:15 now. Luckily they caught me before I ate something as she said I need to be fasting! (Good to know!) 

....and now they called again to say it will actually be 3:00 before they can see me and to eat something light right now and then start fasting! Okay, breakfast sounds good! 

This is the life of cancer treatment and I'm sure any long term medical condition. Our life and schedule once again becomes dictated by the doctors and facility schedules. 

My sister's friend is all ready to watch Katy & I's three little kids and the kids are looking forward to it. My sister planned her morning to go with me. And now, I impact their lives as well with one little phone call. Plus, we were leaving town at 2:30 today to drive to Colorado and pick up our son from camp in Estes park. He needs picked up by 6 pm tomorrow night. What a quick reminder of what is to come. What life is like on treatment.  

I'm thankful to have a treatment, but honestly dread the interruption to life again. May my eyes be open to see what God is teaching me through this lack of control once again. 

Thank God with us that the trial is still happening! Pray that they will really be ready to sign me at 3:00 so we can still easily get to camp and pick up our son on time! Pray that all testing and pre-req goes smooth and that ultimately God will allow this trial to give me more active life with my friends and family! 

I wanted to be strong enough to give God the glory

After my nerves were all heightened yesterday, I am reminded by facebook this morning of Gods faithfulness since the very beginning. On this day 5 years ago I had finished my first 7 month battle with cancer. MY PLAN was to be mentally strong, to dig deep within myself and get from "here to here" so I could put cancer behind me, giving God the glory for MY VICTORY! 

GOD'S PLAN was to teach me that I needed His strength, which is beyond measure compared to my own. THAT GOD would bring Himself glory through my weakness and remind me of HIS VICTORY regardless of my remaining cancer. Through complete brokenness and dieing to my own strength and abilities HIS PLAN is now MY PLAN. 

I needed this reminder and refocus today. 💜🙏🏼

My Story Isn't Over Yet

Guess what? My story isn't over yet! This Thursday I get to go meet with my local medical oncologist to learn about a KRAS Phase 1 clinical trial starting here in Northwest Arkansas! If all goes well I will be able to sign the consent to participate and begin all the pre testing required before treatment can begin. This can take 30 days after I consent, based on my understanding. 

This is such an answer to prayer and a beautiful gift of "something to try" when no standard treatment options are left. Yet, I cannot deny that it is making me very nervous. The fact that I have "something to try" means that treatment must begin again soon. I wonder if it will work. I worry about how it will make me feel. I wonder what it will cost....physically, emotionally and financially.  I admit there is an active battle in my mind and heart. I am grateful that my story isn't over yet. I'm worried this won't work or will steal my quality of life. I feel guilty for dreading a treatment when there are others who are begging for a "something to try".  The battle goes on and on, back and forth. I've drafted other posts about how God is encouraging me in this battle, but I feel that God is asking me to share the struggle instead of His answer...for now.

Please join me in thanking God for answering our prayers for a clinical trial. Thank God for the many people who leaned in against the crashing current to help me stand strong in the face of disappointment and illness. (See Older Prayer Request Post) Thank God for a clinical trial that is local and a doctor who is actively pushing it through. 

Also, join me in asking God that the trial will help me in a shockingly positive way. Ask God to keep away all side effects and allow me to continue to live as active as I am now. Ask God to lead the way and use my story to bring Him glory and honor. May I fade into the background and only Christ be seen in my life. 

Yay......I'm so excited to share this news with you all! It's been a long wait! Thursday at 10 am! 

#jesusiswithme

Made the News!

Look here prayer warriors! I attended a filming for the cancer challenge this week and Alyssa & I ended up making the news! 

NWA friends - come join us June 10th at the cancer challenge tailgate party in Springdale! 

You'll get to hear more of my story there! I may want to hide in the bathroom while they play it, but I'll be there! 

Support The Cancer Challenge and you are supporting your neighbors, your friends & your family that have battled, are battling or will battle cancer here in Northwest Arkansas!

 http://www.nwahomepage.com/news/cancer-challenge-helps-local-families

A Grateful Morning

Thankful today for continued life! Thankful I am here to be momma to my two precious children. Thankful I get to be Billy's wife of almost 19 years. Thankful for my original family of 7, and that we are all together this weekend. Thankful for my extra siblings married into the family and that I have many that call me aunt. Thankful for in-laws that love me as their own. Thankful that I am an heiress of the King of Kings. It's a grateful kind of morning! 

Extra fun to have my mom and grandma here for Mother's Day weekend! 🌹

Feels like gambling, but I trust you.

Nick Vujicic, a man born without limbs, says "Life may not be going well for you now, but as long as you are here, as long as you press forward, anything is possible."

I walked into my appointment with my sister, Amy.  I didn't feel real nervous, but my resting heart rate was 80 so I may have been! I shared with Amy that I felt surrendered to whatever God was going to ask of me, but that I felt like God may surprise us! 

Once we got called back, my hubby surprised us! He seemed to think I had a lot of nervous energy! But really, what does he know?!?  

After seeing two nurses we finally learned what we'd come for. Yesterday's scans show no new cancer spots, and only two spots with minimal growth! Plus, I am less symptomatic than I was at my last two appointments! 

After a bit of discussion about the lack of a current clinical trial and my cancer growth rate, we decided to stay on course and keep waiting for the local trial to begin (possibly mid June) plus keep searching for another trial that I could qualify for. 

This gamble feels a bit exciting (no treatment side effects) and a bit scary (what if ...). Yet, as Nick says, as long as I'm still here and I press forward, anything is possible! 

As I've pressed forward, God has continued to surprise me; allowing me to feel good and live life with metastatic stage 4 cancer. Although there is still growing cancer, I believe God is protecting me and allowing me more quality time, more moments, more opportunities. I feel blessed to say, yes Lord. Steady my mind as I trust you with the gamble. 

"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." 1 John 5:14

"The steadfast of mind you will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in you."

 Isaiah 26:3