No Treatment Today....Perhaps a Crown Instead!

I wish I were missing this week's treatment for a royal crown. Though what would I do with a crown like the Queen of England would wear? I'm certain I'd sell it and put the value to better use.  Like paying for the white molded crown I need for my tooth that broke in half this week-end.  Thankfully I have not had pain since losing it, outside of the sharp edge that constantly rubs the inside of my cheek.  Its the first time since age 16 that I've wished for that wax you put over your braces!

Today I went to have blood drawn so that I can provide the results to my dentist tomorrow morning.  My oncologist said it is more important to go to the dentist this week because it could begin hurting and then my blood work wouldn't allow me to have it fixed. Also, it could get infected if we don't. Thankfully my platelets were in a normal range so I can see the dentist. 

My baby sister, Katy, was very brave and sat with me while they pulled off more blood samples to test for bacteria in my port.  Last week's sample did not grow anything after 5 days, but the doctor believes it may have already flushed into my bloodstream when they tried to get a sample.  They did have to lay me on a tilted bed so that my head was downhill to get the sample from my port to pull back, but once it worked all was well.  They flushed the port with saline and heparin again and we stayed for about 30 minutes with no signs of a reaction. 
Katy said she usually looks away when they do anything with the port, but she had to be brave like her older siblings today and watch in case I had a reaction!  I just love how I'm entertained while sitting in that chair!

They will determine which treatment I will have next Wednesday once they know what work the dentist actually does tomorrow.  So for now....I'm looking forward to a week off....and perhaps a crown.

Unexpected Discouragment

I have felt so optimistic. I don't think it is out of ignorance or denial.  It is certainly not because I'm naïve to the effects and difficult path of cancer. Personally, or with others I've watched face this disease that sometimes ends in death.  I have learned over the last 5 years that I must live in the moment because a day of worry is a day unlived. A night of anxiety and tears can mean less rest for my body to face the next day with purpose. I've learned this from lots of experience. So, please don't get me wrong.  I still have some sleepless nights where I have to pull out my bible and search for comfort, but in that I find that God has met me in this place before.  He's spoken purpose into my cancer battle and encouraged me to live out that purpose as well as any regular, nothing special, woman with sin and fears can do. During the day I fill my house with Christian podcasts from all my favorites on Oneplace.com and listen to Christian music in between.  I read my bible most days, even when I don't feel like it at all. And you know what? Sometimes those days are the ones I hear God's voice the most.  Sometimes I don't hear him at all and it is more about my heart processing what I already know. Remembering what I've learned and how God has proven Himself faithful repeatedly helps me stay optimistic. Going for check-ups and scans make me feel more like a realist as I know they can keep coming back showing cancer even when we've asked God to take away this burden.  Yesterday when my doctor reminded me that we are just doing this treatment for quality and extension of life, not a cure, my optimism quickly slid to realism once again.  I've been battling this in my mind ever since and constantly reminding myself that my battle is fought by the Lord.  It is not all up to science or my actions or beliefs or response.  It didn't help me feel better about it when my blood counts have dropped to where they had to decrease my treatment yesterday to 50%. They will do this next week as well in hopes that my counts will be good enough to take on a stronger large treatment on the 16th. I had decided this was a praise and not to worry about it because I hope to feel good enough to enjoy some of our labor day week-end.
However, once my pre-meds and Taxol were finished the nurse pushed some saline and Heparin through my port IV (as she always does) and within 60 seconds I tasted it very strong and then it felt like flames going up my throat and a flaming heat came over my body from head to toe like I've never felt before.  This had to be a heat that was 10 times worse than any CT contrast I've had before. I felt like I was choking and couldn't breath and my vision went double and blurry.  I don't know how long this lasted, the heat went and came with a vengeance in 60-90 seconds and then my double vision seemed to correct itself and became less blurry in about 5 minutes. My body was wiped out and weak/shaky.  My heart rate had spiked and my blood pressure spiked, but I recovered pretty well and am back to normal this morning. It was very scary and I've had two other episodes from treatment that were scary before, but this was the worst.  The doctor came and said that he thinks I could have had clusters of bacteria inside the port reservoir and that when the nurse flushed the fluid through there at a fast pace it pushed the bacteria down into the blood stream causing my body to react, kind of like the body thinking I had sudden blood poisoning or something.  I had to wait there 45 minutes or so for observation. Then, the nurse took blood from the port and is sending it to an outside lab to test for bacteria.  We had to flush the port again and I was so scared, but the nurse wouldn't admit she was.  She put the saline and heparin in very slow this time and was so professional!

Last night I was reminded of a verse that I read and as it came to mind it helped me move back toward optimism again.  God can do that.  His word and prayer can definitely do that.  It's conversation; wisdom straight from the King to my heart.

In Deuteronomy we learn that when the Israelites left Egypt for the land promised to their ancestors it was expected to take 11 days and it took 40 years!  ( vs. 1:2-3) We are reminded that during the 40 years, the Lord God was with them every step of the journey and the Israelites lacked nothing. (vs. 2:7) In chapter 7 Moses calls out things to remember that encourage us today. The battles that God fought against the enemies and the terror He brought upon them, the miraculous signs and wonders and the strong hand and powerful arm God used to bring them out of slavery from their enemy, Egypt.

"The Lord your God will use this same power against all the people (CANCER CELLS) you fear.  And then, the Lord your God will send terror to drive out the "few (CANCER CELL) survivors" still hiding from you (and the chemo). You will not clear them away all at once, otherwise the wild animals (KRAS growth gene) would multiply too quickly for you. He will throw them into complete confusion until they are destroyed." Deuteronomy 7:19-20, 22b-23

How this speaks to my optimistic faith.  We serve a powerful God and there is so much proof of it, not only in scripture, but in our own lives as He provides the unexpected repeatedly in a way that lets us know it is only from the Lord as He is fulfilling His promise to us.  Just as he fulfilled his promise to the Israelites when he did bring them across the Jordan to the promised land.

"For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land of flowing streams and pools of water, with fountains and springs that gush out in the valleys and hills." Deuteronomy 8:7

How I wait for God to bring me into a good land!  You'll find me there with my toes in the flowing streams! 

So yesterday did bring some unexpected discouragement, but as I remembered my belt of truth I am once again encouraged by my creator that He is in control and my discouragement arrow is pulled right out of my armor as I march forward for the next battle.  There are a few more survivors we must take down. And that leader named KRAS Gene.....I think he's getting very confused.

Praises & Pleas

As I go into treatment again today I want to share a couple of things on my heart. We so often ask for our needs in prayer, but forget to talk about the answers. The reason we praise.  The reason we know God is real and active and gracious. The proof that grows our faith and brings us to our feet in worship. The needs met that we didn't even take the time to pray about. 

I didn't ask God to give me great days this week, but He gave me about 36 hours of energy and motivation to catch up at home, be an active mom and wife. I made a dinner for my family tonight that took a couple hours to prep and you'd think I roped the moon! It feels so good to do "normal".  And in God's perfect fashion, it comes when I'm at the end of my rope. 

I didn't ask God to provide for a specific want for my daughter, but he put it on someone's heart to provide it. He melted my Mama heart catering to the dreams of a 9 year old.  Mom to mom - You get it and I'm so blessed by you. 

I didn't even know that we had a medical bill that I mailed a check for and Billy also paid over the phone, double dipping our account.  God knew. An alert that we had a deposit in our 'we pay' account popped up. We hadn't used the account since 2013's fundraiser, but when we looked we had two deposits covering our error. An all-knowing, ever-ready God overwhelms me often. We really aren't doing this thing called "life" alone. He says he'll never leave us or forsake us. My experience proves this promise true. 

I could go on and on, but these are just a couple things from the last week. 

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends.  His mercies never cease. They are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness." 

Lamentations 3:22-23

I'm also so grateful for a new friend and prayer warrior. Her texted prayer for tonight I will share below and ask you to intercede with us. 

Lord Jesus, we thank You for the power that is in Your name. We praise Your name for what You have done, what You are doing and what You will do in and through Kristi.  You have raised her up for such a time as this. Be glorified in her Lord!  Reverse every attempt for infection of any kind to set in..in Jesus name! You have a purpose and plan for Kristi and You intend to be glorified in her...You are Mighty in word and deed and we worship Your Holy name! Reveal Your power and glory through Kristi, Lord...that all who know and see will believe in You!  We bind the enemy from any attempt to disrupt what You will do in Jesus name! We declare new life in Kristi ' s genetic make - up because You are creator of all. We speak to the KRAS gene to die and wither up...and declare life to a newly created gene that will cause all who treat Kristi to declare her a miracle and her gene to be never before seen...A one of a kind gene..for Your purpose and glory Lord!  Show up and show off that all may know there is a God in Heaven who is alive and well and able to do that which is impossible!  Use Kristi for Your Kingdom and Your glory as she seeks to honor You because of her great love and deep abiding trust in You..Bless Kristi in unspeakable...unthinkable ways..in Jesus name! 

I'm thankful for this powerful prayer that this long cancer journey is about God, not me or my family, the doctors or any other earthly thing. And for the exciting thought that God can choose to wipe out this so-called KRAS gene, without a scientifically proven cure, if He wants to! 

Praise you God for answered prayers, provisions needed, known and unknown. For showing us favor with undeserved mercies. For the power in Your name and the authority to approach your throne with confidence and boldness as we ask for a complete cure from this cancer - forever. Amen. 

2015 ~ Chemo Treatment #12 is Complete!

Treatment #12 is in the books!!!

I began this weekly treatment on May 6th and have had to miss 4 treatments, but we are getting closer.  I will do 6 more treatments and then return to MD Anderson to have scans once again.

Please pray that I can feel pretty good on my lighter "taxol only" weeks.  Last week I was in bed about a day and a half, but didn't feel very good for about 3 1/2 days. It was good in comparison to my "BIG" treatment that comes every 3 weeks.  I'm so grateful I only have 2 more of those before we reassess.  The journey is feeling long, so please pray for my patience, my caregivers, my husband and children to all persevere in a big way! 

I so appreciate those of you who have brought hot meals, frozen meals, gift cards to restaurants and Visa cards to pay toward our rising medical debt. 



Several weeks back a family in our community group found us someone to come help in our home 2 hours a week and kicked off paying for the much needed help.  Others have given as well since this was added to my care calendar.  This has been a godsend as my energy is less and less as the treatment compiles and I fight for good blood counts. 

Thank you so much for your extreme generosity and non-ceasing encouragement and prayer!

Love - Kristi

A Turn for the Better...

Last week's treatment makes me want to play hookie tomorrow. In fact, I'm pretty sure my husband may be praying my blood counts won't let me have chemo this week! But, I took a huge turn for the better today! Got out of bed and put together for a great outing to sonic happy hour, to visit my parents and to Isaiah's 8th grade open house. A giant day of activity compared to the last week of sleep and bed rest. Grateful for this day! 

I'll check in at 1:15 pm tomorrow for bloodwork. We'll see if my white blood cell shots helped. If so, treatment directly follows until 4:30 or so. 

A rough go...

I haven't updated as this has been a rough round of treatment. My white blood cells (WBC)  were still declining so after chemo onWednesday, I began a series of 3 shots to tell my bone marrow to build WBC.  We traveled to HOG in Rogers Thurs and Fri, but had to go to Fayetteville on Saturday. I hadn't been down there since my first battle with cancer in 2010-11. Katy & I couldn't even remember where we were going exactly, which seemed crazy after daily visits there. 

I've slept and slept this time and had a very sour tummy and some vomiting. Body aches and extreme fatigue are my daily companions. Yesterday I missed celebrating my moms bday with the family and ate a light dinner on the couch with Billy for our 18th anniversary. The future with this feels long, but we know it will pass.  We are choosing to stay on track counting on the end results to be great....life giving. The treatment feels more like it's taking life than giving it. They say that means it's working. 

Please pray for my body to recover and be able to continue getting treatment. Pray for endurance, perseverance and patience for all involved. In my heart 8 weeks more feels very very long.  

With love, 

Kristi

Kicking off our next rounds of treatment.

I awoke fully dreading the "feeling bad" part of treatment, but I know scripture specifically tells us not to be in dread....not to be terrified......not to tremble.....depending on your bible translation. I really like the version that uses the word "dread" because I tend to feel and relate to this emotion more than trembling or being terrified. I'm not afraid to step into what God has called me to, knowing he carries me through it. He proven it over and over.  However, I still dread the effects of the hard journey we trudge through together. 

The Lord my God, my mom and I checked in at 11:00 today, but didn't get started until around 12:30 because my bloodwork came back with low white blood cell counts again. My platelets, however, jumped from in the 70's to 250! My Medical Oncologist approved treatment today, though with slightly lower doses of both chemo drugs, leaving Avastin the same. I will have to go in the next 3 days and get a shot that will tell my bone marrow to produce white blood cells. They said this causes the large bones in the body to ache. Since the Avastin already makes my muscles ache I'm not looking forward to that, but it will allow me to continue treatment and for that I am grateful. 2nd Round - 1 punch down; 8 to go! I do not dread the finishing punch of this round so I can go to MDA for scans and I plan to be told there is no evidence of disease (NED), putting me in remission! 

Please God, may this be so! Help me to be strong and courageous between now and then! Amen.